Whassup: Farewell Edition

via imageshack.us

I doubt any of you FiPSters out there take a second (or even first) glance at the bylines under these fuck-word-laden posts of ours. But, if you happen to look at the one under "Whassup" after this week, it will no longer read "Mike." That is my clever FiPS nom de plume (guess how I came up with it!). After several years of composing your weekly roundup of Slope-area events, I am handing over the reigns. Because I no longer live in New York, first of all. But also, how many times can one man make fun of Williamsburg in order to make Park Slope seem marginally cooler? Probably, several thousand times. And now I have reached that limit. I hope you will all continue to enjoy the amazing bars, venues, shows, storytelling events, music festivals, touring bands, drink specials, overly precious brunch spots, toddler-laden Tea Lounge events, ridiculously good Celebrate Brooklyn shows, etc., etc., etc. that bless Park Slope in particular, and Brooklyn in general. It's been my pleasure to snark on these things that I think are genuinely pretty great for you all these (gasp) years. Welcome to Whassup: Farewell Edition: 

* Thursday, March 13: The Murphy Beds, Barbes: If you hadn't noticed, there's a slightly Irish-tinged holiday in the offing. While you're free to drink all the green-dyed beers you'd like and don as many invitations to kiss your Irish self as you deem necessary, how about something a bit more authentic? Honor Eire the way the leprechauns of old intended by listening to some real Irish (and American) folk, courtesy of the Murphy Beds. Just like your favorite Irish cop, their name is Murphy, and they will be too drunk to notice the weed in your pocket. 8pm, band donations encouraged.

* Friday, March 14: Museum of Natural Mystery, Bell House: I have no idea. I really have no idea what this is. It seems to have a natural history/explorer's theme. Like, they reference Darwin, and wildebeests. I guess it's a DJ'd dance party. But the whole theme does fit awfully nicely with Bell House (even better with Union Hall, but I imagine that space is too small). Anyway, only in Brooklyn: Darwin-themed dance party. Dance it out, you nerds. 9pm, $20.

* Saturday, March 15: Brooklyn Get Down, CrossFit South BK: If you're like me, the term "CrossFit" makes you shudder, conjuring images of endless squat thrusts and agonizing lactic acid build-up -- all in the dubious pursuit of "health" and "attractiveness." Pass. But this is more of a dance party, helmed by the mad DJ behind Party Like It's 1999, Steve Reynolds. So, you likely won't have to throw any medicine balls around or anything. And it's all for a good cause: proceeds benefit Brooklyn Now, which encourages young professionals to do philanthropic-type ish in the BK. But you don't have to think about that, if you don't want: just shake your thang. Shake your CrossFit-honed thang. 8pm-11pm, $35.

* Saturday, March 15: Purim Carnivale, Littlefield: Good news, you guys! Purim is totally sexy these days! So, if you want to celebrate the Chosen People's version of Halloween (i.e., an annual excuse to dress as a slutty nurse), join the Sway Machinery's Purim Carnivale. The band blends rhythmic sounds with folklore tales. And they will all be dressed as slutty nurses (hopefully). 9pm, $10-15. 

* Saturday, March 15: Morrissey St. Paddy's Day, Grand Victory (Williamsburg): Nothing fits better with that most rainiest of isles, the Emerald Isle, than the mopey majesty of Morrissey. Come feel gloomy with Feeling Gloomy, which I gather is some Williamsburg bullshit about being emo (which is probably retro by now). I don't know, I can't keep up. But…nevertheless, I, like you, am human. And we need to be loved. Come join in the mopey love. 11pm-4am, $6.

* Monday, March 17: Burlesque Sat. Paddy's Day, Bell House: But, for the actual day of green, forget about the dreariness of Ireland and remember its greatest export: No, not impenetrable, Modernist epics -- hot redheads. Wasabassco's burlesque presents an all-redhead revue. Get your boners ready. 8pm, $20.

* Wednesday, March 19: Simply Unemployable, Union Hall: Haha, "simply unemployable." Haha. Ha. That hits close to home. Perhaps it does for you, too. But, remember, the greatest source of comedy is deep, deep pain. So, come laugh away the terribleness with a night of improv and sketch comedy from Matt Catansano and Richie Moriarty, of the YouTube show "Simply Unemployable," and their laugh-worthy friends. 8pm, $5.