Whassup: Bright Lights, Slushy City Edition

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The weather's dancing around the freezing point these days, which means any precipitation is gonna get really gross in this city. And Saturday looks like snow. So, yeah: beautiful New York at Christmastime. You can lament the greyness of the winter cityscape, go gawk at the pretty lights at Rockefeller Plaza -- or just stay in Brooklyn, get real drunk and have fun. Whassup recommends that latter. Welcome to Whassup: Bright Lights, Slushy City Edition:  

* Through Wednesday, Dec. 18: Dunham Holiday Market, 7 Dunham Place: You can still buy locally made gidgets and hoodads before Jesus arrives on his sleigh of fire-breathing reindeer. Here, you can exchange legal tender and the concept of debt for vintage holiday sweaters and other clothes, jams and suchwhat comestibles from local farms, kombucha kits, and prettiness made by four local artists. Come today (Thursday) for a "Day-Before-Friday-the-13th" tattoo special. Vendors open 12pm-7pm.

* Thursday, Dec. 12, 2013: No Office Holiday Party, Littlefield: Ah, freelancing/semi-employment: it's awesome, because: no excruciating office parties. But also, it sucks, because: social isolation. Get the best of both worlds, by leaving your couch/the Tea Lounge's couch to join in Brokelyn's No Office Holiday Party. Here, you can rub elbows with other freelancers and probably hook up (let's be honest) -- without any awkwardness around the water cooler the next morning. Entertainments include live-band karaoke, folks termed "Sexy Santa and Lady Santa," and music by the Handjob Academy. (So, yes, this is a bit more risqué than your usual office party.) 7:30pm-1am, $6-$8.

* Friday, Dec. 13-Monday, Dec. 16: Yo La Tengo's Hannukah, Bell House: Historically (since da '90s), NJ institution Yo La Tengo has played a run of shows around Hannukah at fellow NJ institution, Maxwell's in Hoboken. With the sad closure of Maxwell's this summer, it looks like Bell House gets the holiday shows (at least for this year). The run starts more than a week after Hannukah ended, but expect the same encyclopedic cover knowledge and bracing contrast of mellow and punkish volume that Yo La Tengo always provides. 9pm Fri and Sat, 8:30pm Sun and Mon, $30 each night.

* Saturday, Dec. 14-Sunday, Dec. 15: Holiday Open House, Word Books (Greenpoint): Giving books for Christmas is like picking out interesting brains for other people and wrapping paper around them. It's awesome, is what I mean. So, wrap up some grey matter at Word's Open House. Jami Attenberg, Jeff Salane and other authors will be there to give book recs, and Word will be sharing holiday movies (the book was better) and doughnuts and hot chocolate. It's just so damn cozy, I want to climb inside a holiday sweater inside a fireplace. 10am Sat-9pm Sun. 

* Saturday, Dec. 14: Sixpoint Holiday Beer-Fest, SubCulture (NoHo): I know I ask a lot of you: attend everything from readings to concerts to karaoke slamdowns -- drinking, drinking all the way. What can I say, it takes a lot to maintain Park Slope's fun rep against the forces of the mommy brigade. Now, I'm linking to an event all the way over in MANHATTAN!? WHAT?! Well, Brooklyn's own Sixpoint Brewery is hosting, so that's your first reason. They'll have holiday beers, like Oktoberfest Lager, the Global Warmer and the Spice of Life Single-Hop IPA. The beer fest and holiday concert also features a mystery "R&B boogie-woogie rock group." So that sounds fun. If that doesn't do it for you, the fest will raise funds for the Humane Society of New York. Don't deprive cute little animals of the good your beer money could do them, you monster. 3pm-7pm, $40 (early bird)-$50.

* Saturday, Dec. 14: Ugly Sweater Party, Union Hall: It's obligatory anymore for there to be an "ugly holiday sweater" party this time of year. So whimsical! Every. Damn. Year. So, here 'tis: this one's titled "Let's Get Weird," and it's vague edginess and sexual innuendo makes it somewhat cooler, I suppose. I say, let's make it interesting. Ugliness arms-race. Like, a sweater with your own open chest cavity knitted on it. And some reindeer and shit. 11:59pm (that's the time they list, seriously), FREE.

* Wednesday, Dec. 18: Burlesque Drink and Draw, Bar Chord (Ditmas Park): The drink-and-draw concept has grown quite popular, and common, in Brooklyn. But, as fast-food companies well know, you can't rest on your one-gimmick laurels for too long. Pretty soon, you're gonna need a new angle. Everyone's got a meat lover's pie now? Shove some cheese in the crust. Well, here's the stuffed crust to Brooklyn's drink-and-draw pizza: sex. Specifically, sexy Burlesque performers, who will model for your drunken doodlings all pinup-sexy like. But, remember, alcohol + sexy models = don't wear sweatpants. Your boner is not a work of art, and no one wants to see it. Happens every Wednesday, register ahead of time at the site. 7pm-9pm, $12. 

* UNTIL X-MAS: Cat Nativity, Red Hook: At 344 Van Brunt in Red Hook, you'll find a Nativity scene crafted the way Jesus intended: overrun by feral cats. I can't add much more than that basic description. Oh, come let ye adore them.