Whassup: Bar None Edition

via localbozo.comIt may never make it onto a list like this ( although Southpaw did, so you never know), but Bar 4's upcoming closure should still inspire its share of sadness. Yesterday, the neighborhoodly little bar with the tiny stage and tremendous open-mic night announced it would be turning the rock sounds off on Aug. 15. Park Slope, Brooklyn and NYC at large just continue to change, and there continue to be casualties along the way. Bar 4 opened in 1999, when South Slope was far from the main site of Slope gentrification. (It was also a good year for the Indonesian restaurant diagonal from Bar 4, apparently, which continues to display the recognition it received from Time Out in '99.) Before the 4 shutters, take advantage and see a show: Coming up is the open mic night (Tuesday), which has a stellar rep among musicians, or Motherfucking Bingo (on Wednesday), which has a swear word in the title. Or just come suck back a cheap(ish) beer. Welcome to Whassup: Bar None Edition:

* Friday, July 26: Sexy Summer Friday, Babeland: What's an overworked, over-ambitious New Yorker to do when an astonishing dollop of FREE TIME arrives in the form of summer Fridays? Like, relax? HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THAT?? Alcohol and sex toys are a good start, which is why Babeland's summer Fridays happy hour is just what your constricted sphincter needs. 3pm-5pm, FREE. 

* Friday, July 26: Trampled by Turtles, Bandshell: "Trampled by Turtles" is not only the fifth-most hilarious way to die, it is also the name of one of those roots-obsessed, fiddle-wielding groups that has become so strangely popular recently. I mean, I like that music, but I'm kind of old and lame. YOUNG people go to these shows. Like, the kind of young that went to Neutral Milk Hotel concerts back in the day or Pixies even further back in the day. Or, substitute your own generation's kinda-indie-but-actually-popular example. Anyway, these non-teenage, non-mutant, (probably) non-ninja turtles play bluegrass with lots of speed and flourish and flailing beard hair, and it's kinda cool. 7pm, FREE ($3 suggested donation).

* Friday, July 26: Punk vs. Glam, Bell House: The "Head On" series elects the bestest of two musical styles by letting the masses register their votes -- via the only logical method: dancing so hard. You know, the way George Washington originally envisioned American democracy. Show your patriotism by dropping your best boogie to either Punk or Glam. Two DJs will face off from opposite ends of the stage, spinning either Ramones et al. or Bowie and the like. It's classic 70s NYC meets 2013 too-cute-to-live Brooklyn. 10pm, FREE.

* Saturday, July 27: Bushwick Block Party, Roberta's: Orbiting around Roberta's, that most 2013 Brooklyn of restaurants, the Bushwick block party is a mashup of tiki discos, lobster rolls, and Roberta's famed wood oven fired pizzas. Happens on Moore, b/t Bogart and White. Come blast excitement into the atmosphere through your hyper-stimulated sweat glands. In other words, summer festival! Noon-11pm, FREE.

* Sunday, July 28: American Battle Live, Littlefield: Ok, I admit I actually have mixed feelings about this event. It's a filming for a reality show, basically a national Battle of the Bands contest. And reality shows just straight depress the fuck right out of me. On the other hand, these will be local New York bands, so you can come support their efforts to catch a break. And the same people who film all the reality shows also control all the breaks to be caught. Such is life in this capitalist dreamland called these United States. Tonight's featured act, Aways Away, finds its roots in NYC post-punk. If you cheer really loud, they may someday save the planet. 8pm, $10.

* Tuesday, July 30: Barenaked Ladies/Ben Folds/Guster, Bandshell: Enact the portion of your brain that feels nostalgia for the recent past: the early 2000s/late 90s poppy indie-rock acts are back! We've sorta noticed you were kinda gone! Welcome (I guess)! Anyway, this is a benefit show, which means tickets will cost the dollars. However, those dollars will go toward a future of more free shows at Celebrate Brooklyn. Also however, as you should know by now, the best time at BRIC shows is when you hang out outside the gates and listen in for free over the crumbs of a pretentious Brooklyn picnic. So, you could do that, too. 6:30 pm, $49.50-$55.

* Tuesday, July 30: "My Brooklyn" Screening, Freddy's: This award-winning doc peels back the artisanal curtain from the gentrification of Brooklyn, always a source of fascination, anger and repressed guilt (depending on your perspective) in our borough. Come understand your city a little bit better. 8pm, FREE.

* ONGOING: 'Like' Free Coffee, Cafe Regular: …but really, Cafe Regular's Facebook page. That's because the Cafe wants to maybe give you free coffee if you like their Facebook page. Caffeine-related bribery is never a bad idea. Good call, Regular -- who have repeatedly shot down my suggested slogan of "Stay Regular with Cafe Regular." Whatever, I forgive them. So you have my blessing to angle for beans via the social networks.