Whassup: 96 Hours Of Labor

Brace yourself, FiPSTERS. Summer. Is. Almost. Over. It's time to dance in front of an open hydrant and finish that manuscript, or do whatever else you said you'd do before our hottest season ended. It's a holiday weekend, where all of our unemployed asses honor labor by not-working EXTRA HARD. Plan your extended, non-hurricaned weekend with Whassup: 96 Hours of Labor Edition:

* Friday, Sept. 2: The English Beat, Bell House: Old-school ska punkers The English Beat (or just, The Beat, as they are known in England) drops bass on the upbeat to kick off Labor Day weekend. Melding ska with raggae and soul in the 2Tone label tradition, the Beatsters will get the Bell House bouncing with "Mirror in the Bathroom" and other hits that will make it ok to unmothball your punky high school gear. 8pm, $25.

* Saturday, Sept. 3: Greenmarket Cooking Demo, GAP: Chef Jacques Gautier of Brownstone-dwelling Palo Santo Restaurant demos his spicy Latin Amercan cooking skills at the Grand Army Plaza Greenmarket. Trained along the savory fires of Manhattan's Vong and Zoe, Jacques should be able to add one more delicious notch of insufferability to your foodie ways. 11am-1pm, FREE.

* Saturday, Sept. 3: '90's Get Down, Union Hall: Holiday weekends are a time to get so plastered you forget your fading youth and party like a high schooler. (Right?) Well, Union Hall brings back the old-school let-loose with it's 90's dance party, "Crazy $ince da 90's." DJs will spin hip hop, r&b, pop, and more from the decade of boy bands and presidential blow jobs. 10pm, FREE.

* Saturday, September 3rd: Dopeness Fashion Show and F.C.M.G Release Party w/ Beatbox Guitar, Tea Lounge: Dopeness Apparel LTD is a limited edition line created to cater to artists and musicians. They use a lot of sweet robots.  BK-based duo Beatbox Guitar create an innovative mix of flamenco, psychedelic rock, hip hop and punk. Human beatboxer, Pete List's effortless flow of beat and breath on the mic showcases Rob Mastrianni's intricate guitar and electronic sitar stylings. 10PM, FREE.

Sunday, Sept. 4: Boobs and Country, Bell House: The pasties-twirling gals of the Wassabasco Burlesque troupe bring some much-needed boobery to beleagured workers this Labor Day Weekend. What's that? Feeling the pain of a long-term, involuntary "holiday" weekend? Well, present your unemployment stub for free admission. Slope classic country fixture Alex Battles helps you tune up whiskey-drinking muscles before the show. 8pm Doors, $10.

* Monday, Sept. 5: Parade from Paradise, Eastern Parkway: Hold on to summer with one last street carnival set amid the flavors, sights, and sounds of the Caribbean. The 44th West Indian American Carnival sends a parade along Eastern Parkway in Crown Heights, surrounded by Caribbean treats. 11am-6pm, FREE.

* Monday, 9/5: The Moth StorySLAM, South Paw: THE AUDACITY! This week’s theme is “Chutzpah,” so if you’ve got a 5 minute true tale to tell about someone who lets their tact off the leash to play in traffic, consider dropping your name in the hat (which is usually a canvas tote bag). Make sure to arrive early to wait in line, and to bitch loudly when people cut in front of you. 7:30PM Doors, $8.

* Any Day Over the Long Weekend: Buy the most exotic-looking beer that you can find and some kielbasa (also, ideally, exotic looking) from Eagle Provisions. Git yerself a Larry The Cable Guy Tailgate Grill, which you should be able to find at Rite Aid on 7th Ave for like, $7. Go to the park, grill that shit, and listen to some Boy and Bear while enjoying the final days of summer. And play with a puppy if you can. 

* COMING UP:

* Thursday, Sept. 16 - Sunday, Sept. 18: Mirman-fest, Bell House and Union Hall: Once the merry times of Labor Day weekend fade into the past, you'll still need the fun. Well look ahead: The probably-only-vaguely disputed king of Park Slope Comedy, Eugene Mirman, will fill two venues with his funny friends. The extremely likable, and extremely funny, Slope resident's big shows usually sell out. So snap up those tickets or you'll be forced to laugh at random Park Slope residents you see at 'Snice. Various times, $10-$20.