Whassup: 72 Hours of Labor Edition

Your second place Cyclones play Labor Day weekend (via uproxx.com)

Labor Day, I'm told, is the unofficial end of summer, which seems like a really shitty unofficial thing to do given that the season actually lasts until Sept. 21. Why not make the unofficial end of summer Halloween? If it's unofficial, we can make it whatever the hell we want. That's how unofficial works. So let's just pretend summer lasts forever, or at least until the first snowfall (which, if y'all remember a couple years ago, can indeed happen on Halloween). In the meantime, you have a Labor Day weekend to enjoy. Welcome to Whassup: 72 Hours of Labor Edition:

* Thursday, Aug. 29-Saturday, Aug. 31: Re-Birthday Party, Sunny's: Clawing its way back from Sandy-related destruction, without the benefit of disaster-relief funding, Sunny's finally re-opens. Crowdfunding brought it back, and it returns with a three-day party: Opening ceremony with speeches and live music Thursday at 7:30pm. The Xylophone People play Friday and the regular Sunny's Bluegrass Jam returns Saturday. 

* Thursday, Aug. 29-Sunday, Sept. 1: On Fonts, Cloud City (Williamsburg): Fresh off an artist's residency in Mexico, talented young actress and playwright Amy Buchanan's new work "On Fonts" premieres in Billyburg. Don't be like your mom. Go to Williamsburg for the youngster's art, and actually like it there (for a while). 8pm, $12.

* Saturday, Aug. 31: Braunohler' Stuff, Braunohler's Stoop: I think it's as weird is you do. But famous comedian Kurt Braunohler is having a stoop sale, and he announced it to his Facebook page. So if you've ever wanted to own the former belongings of a comedian on the brink (I don't think that's pushing it), here's your chance. It's occurring way down in South Slope, or the beginning of Sunset Park, or whatever else you want to call 25th St. at 5th Ave. Here is some of the famous comedian gear you can get: a circular rug (rectangular rugs are for dumbasses!!), a document scanner (for all your freelance graphic design contracts), a juicer (!), 2 vacuum cleaners (just one, and it would get lonely), and books (probably with hilarious marginalia), etc. Is it a little cstalkerish of me to post this as an event? Probably. But you'll thank me when, a couple years from now, you can say you own the document scanner of the newest co-star of "The Hangover: Part 5." 2pm-7pm.

* Saturday, Aug. 31: Cyclones vs. Aberdeen, Coney Island: The Major Leagues are full of steroids and douchebaggery. Minor League baseball is where it's at: real, old-fashioned American entertainment. Remember: you can get just as blitzed in front of barely professional players as you can in front of A-Rod's bloated 'roid head. The Cyclones are in second place by just half a game, right behind number one, Aberdeen's IronBirds. So, this is actually, like, an important game? Anyway, baseball on Labor Day: You'll be even more patriotic than the cruise missiles headed toward Syria. A post-game fireworks display will light up the already light-polluted sky, scored by a selection of Beatles tunes. 6pm, $9-$16.

* Sunday, Sept. 1-Monday, Sept. 2: Labor Day Spectacular, Greenwood Park: A beer hall blowout is probably a good bet for Labor Day. Because, if all else fails -- beer! Greenwood will also have a pig roast to make your mouth either salivate or grimace (depending on your vegetarian leanings), live music and a hot dog eating contest. (If you want to show off your wiener-swallowing skills, sign up by writing greenwoodfatso@gmail.com, $20 entry fee). 8am Sunday-5pm Monday, FREE.

* Monday, Sept. 2: West Indian Carnival Day Parade, Eastern Parkway: The return of Labor Day means a lot of things -- the leaves will soon die, and you missed your chance at a summer fling topping the list. But it also means the annual craziness of the West Indian parade, which will storm Eastern Parkway with loud costumes, loud music, loud crowds, and sweaty, sweaty humanity. Also, of course, tempting food vendors to start fattening you up for the winter. 11am-6pm, FREE. 

* Tuesday, Sept. 3: Geeking Out, Union Hall: The show of unadulterated superfandom returns with its brilliant safe space for totally loving your favorite movie/sitcom/comic book/band/etc. Headlining the guest storytellers is Ophira Eisenberg, a terrific comedian who you should really catch if you have't already. Here's your chance. Then profess your geeky adoration for her. 8pm, $8.

* Tuesday, Sept. 3: Trivia Returns, Monro: I have a question for you: Do you like lording it over other people when you know something they don't? TIME'S UP -- THE ANSWER IS YES. Put your obnoxious know-it-allness to use by winning alcohol and prizes. One of the seemingly endless new(ish) pubs to hit South Slope, Monro will revive its Trivia Tuesdays after a summer hiatus. Trivia continues the first and third Tuesday of each month. 8pm, $1 to play.

* Wednesday, Sept. 4: Brooklyn Bonfire, Union Hall: Amidst the daily shitstorm of blaring car horns and seething anger that is life in NYC, wouldn't it be nice to just chill around a bonfire with some acoustic guitars? Ahh…breathe out, let those shoulders relax, learn to hate just a little bit less. Doesn't that feel nice? The "Brooklyn Bonfire" collects the soothing beauty of three singer-songwriters, headlined by the tender but still buoyant sounds of Canadian Jenna Andrews. And, don't worry: this peacefulness is not permanent: some douche will cut you off on the way home. 8pm, $12.

* Wednesday, Sept. 4: Story Collider 'Aging,' Littlefield: Park Slope's mashup of storytelling and science, "Story Collider," has apparently moved from Union Hall to Littlefield (at least for this show). It seems a shame that both Secret Science Club (now at the Bell House) and Story Collider would leave the explorers' club basement of Union Hall, adorned as it is with taxidermied weirdnesses and a painting of Robin Williams' mother. Nevertheless, Story Collider usually presents some pretty good infotainment. This edition tackles the science of aging. And, let's face it, you neurotic New Yorkers are thinking about growing old and dying all the time. So come laugh/cry/ooh/aah about it. 8pm, $10.