The Magic 8 Ball Sounds Off on The PPW Bike Lane Controversy

Oh look! People are still bitching about the *new* bike lane on Prospect Park West! I can’t imagine why...Park Slopers are normally so good at letting things slide (I really wish there was a font for sarcasm).

Ok so I’ll make this quick: Apparently a group has formed called “Neighbors for Better Bike Lanes” and they claim that after months of harassing the DOT for statistics about how this bike lane was worth every last drop of blood spilled from all the first born sons of PPW residents that they were fed a pack of lies. When the DOT finally provided speeding statistics like “one in five cars now speeds compared to the three out of four
who used to.” The NBBL cried “BULLSHIT!” They wanted to see real stats not silly ones. Who cares if out of a survey of 3000 Brooklynites, ¾ supported the bike lane? That can’t be real.

According to WNYC, NBBL has a pro bono lawyer who has written to the transportation commissioner asking for additional data saying he hopes “this begins a constructive phase of dialogue between DOT and the affected community members.” AKA, we’ll be trying to sue you for making us drive slow and park in the middle of the street.

But who’s really right here? Who are the victims in this bike lane tragedy? Will this ever go away (which is all I reallycare about)?

I know! Let’s consult the Magic 8 Ball decide, shall we?

(No joke people, I am really shaking my Magic 8 Ball here. And I promise no re-shakes. On the honor system I’m putting down EXACTLY what M8B says.)

Magic 8 Ball: is Neighbors for Better Bike Lanes a lame name for a bunch of folks who have nothing better to do with their day than bitch about a bike lane when there are far more important things to worry about like the 2 weeks of garbage on the 20ft snow mountains on the corner of my street?

M8B says: Ask again later.

Ok, I will.

M8B: do you think that one of the leaders of NBBL taking hours of video footage of traffic patterns on PPW is voyeuristic and creepy?

M8B says: Signs point to yes.

Magic 8 Ball: do you think the proposal to move the bike lane into Prospect Park where there already is a mofo’ing bike lane is a bit ridiculous (actually 3 when the road is closed to traffic)?

M8B says: It is decidedly so.

Ok let’s go balls out here: Magic 8 Ball do you like the bike lane and think it should stay?

M8B says: Signs point to yes.

So one more time, Magic 8 Ball: is Neighbors for Better Bike Lanes a lame name for a bunch of folks who have nothing better to do with their day than bitch about a bike lane when there are far more important things to worry about like the 2 weeks of garbage on the 20ft snow mountains on the corner of my street?

Magic 8 ball says: Yes, definitely.

You heard it here folks...from the mouth of balls.