The L Mag Thinks North Slope Is 'Awful'...

image via Park Slope Patch...Because video stores are closing down.

I think the L Magazine is retarded...well at least based on this article: Video Store Closure Proves N. Slope is Awful.

AYFKMWTS??

N. Slope may, in fact, be awful, but not because a fucking video store closed.

The article goes on to detail how there are many empty storefronts on 7th Ave (true), and that this might indicate that because everyone here is so fucking rich now, the only sorts of businesses that have any hope of survival are cell phone stores (hunh?) and real estate offices. OH, and chains like Cheeburger Cheeburger.

"North Slope is not artsy, or even well-off; increasingly, it's becoming luxurious, and small businesses are finding it harder to stay there. Video Forum's closing is not only part of a larger video-store trend, but a Seventh Avenue one, as well. "There are more than 15 empty storefronts on the avenue at the moment, an alarming statistic for Slopers who form a close attachment to their local stores and the people who work there," Louise Crawford wrote on the Park Slope Patch earlier this week. "Many fear that the only businesses that can stay in business are cell phone stores, real estate firms and national chains."

Uhm:

A. Cell phone stores? Everyone know all rich people have an iPhone...or a Blackberry if they're stupid and/or Republican rich. But I don't quite get the cell phone store coment.

B. HERE'S A NOVEL FUCKING IDEA, PARK SLOPE: OPEN A G-D BUSINESS THAT PEOPLE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD WANT!

Look, I'm not a business consultant. But I live in this neighborhood and I'm lucky enough to hear from many of its residents on a daily basis. And my basic takeaway is this: everyone just wants business owners to get a fucking clue and be smart about the businesses they choose to bring to this neighborhood. i.e. WE DON'T WANT ANY MORE PIZZA JOINTS!

If you had a good chunk of change and were looking to do something other than stuff a scarecrow dressed as Marty Markowitz with hundos, and burn it in all in big fire in Grand Army Plaza, I would suggest you open up a video store. I mean, a video store!?

I have not used my DVD player in like 4 years. Even the term "video store" makes you sound like an old person if you say it.

And yet people continue to do stupid shit:

• Lucas Foods - a smaller, crappier version of Blue Apron opened up 50 feet away from Blue Apron and closed within a year.
• PSBKLYN - anyone wanna start the clock ticking? They are in an amazing space, and the food ain't half bad. But the service is abyssmal and they are trying to be too much to too many kinds of people. Turn that bitch into a straight up Chuckie Cheese...balloon animals, clowns, games, the whole works. You can't please both BREEDERS and BALLERS in the same space, so stop trying. 
• Bagel Market - ok fine, I was TOTALLY wrong about Bagel Market. While I do think their baygs are still inferior to La Bagel, they have a nice place, it's always packed and they have seating in there, so I was totally wrong about that one. 

The funny thing is, you don't even need to be good to be a success:

• King of Cupcakes - still not sure if this one is going to make it, but, it's something that the neighborhood needs so maybe. The cupcakes are horrible, though.
• Cheeburger, Cheeburger - horrible, horrible, food...and yet it will still probably be a success because of it's location near the hospital, and the fact that it's quick, easy and mindless. 

And yet again, I will say this: Park Slope is in desperate need of a great Chopt like salad place, a jewish deli and Kyochon or Bon Chon type korean fried chicken place.

As for N. Slope being totally fucking awful: it might be. But I need some way better evidence than a video store closing.