The Barclays Center's New Trailer Is just as bad as you'd expect

File this under "things we totally missed." Last month, the folks behind the Barclays Center released a little trailer for their new stadium, in which they basically try and convince us of its relevance. As they say in the video, "Over the past decade, a new economical, professional, and artistic identity has helped shape Brooklyn. The transformation of it's residential and business areas has helped shape this great borough for an even greater future. It has helped shape Brooklyn for... the Barclays Center."

Christ almighty..

Take a look for yourself:

Listen, I've long struggled to pick a side in the whole Atlantic Yards controversy. On one hand, I know Barclays is going to bring a shit ton of crowds, traffic, and noise to an already over-populated area. I'm dreading the impact it's going to have on my commute and my neighborhood. On the other hand, it'll be pretty cool to have a bunch of concerts happening right up the block. And I'm way down in South Slope, so I'll be somewhat removed from the mess. And if it leads to new jobs in this shitty shitty economy, I suppose that can only help in the long run. 

But one thing I can't get behind is this shitty marketing. And this Barclay's Center video is embarrassingly bad.

First of all, who the fuck wrote this? The copy is laughable. "The Barclays Center will be a state of the art facility. The design will be a more graceful approach, crafted to enrich the fabric of Brooklyn, all to achieve a cultural and environmental synergy." WTF does that even mean? I'd call the design of the Barclays Center many things before I'd call it "graceful." Ugly. Tacky. Monstrous. Take your pick! And does anyone use the word synergy in the real world? Surely someone must have been like, "doesn't that sound too marketing-y?"

Oh, or this: "The Barclays Center will become the next great Brooklyn landmark, providing all those who visit with an opportunity for a true landmark experience." Seriously? A landmark experience? Is that a good thing? Let's break down what they might possibly mean by that:

1. It'll be an experience marking an important stage or turning point. Yes, that's possible. But with all the backlash going on, do you really think you want to define the Barclays Center as a turning point? People seemed pretty happy before the Center came around. Maybe you shouldn't insult what's already here.

2. It'll be an destination, not unlike other experiences you've had going to other landmarks. Have you ever tried to go to a landmark? It's a fucking mess. Long lines, crowds, overpriced souvenirs. No one wants that. No one wants to be reminded of that. 

Either way, it sounds terrible.

Meanwhile, "the people of Brooklyn will be treated to what the world has to offer," they declare. FINALLY! We've been so closed off here in, as you put it, "the fourth biggest city in the nation!" (Which I'm pretty sure isn't true, PS. OK - the commenters have proved me wrong on this). I mean, what more can we possibly learn about the world from THE BARCLAYS CENTER!?!?! Are there going to be TED conventions there? Symposiums of world leaders? No. There's going to be boxing matches and basketball games and fucking Sesame Street Live. I'M LEARNING SO MUCH! 

Here's my favorite line from the video though: "Brooklynites will be able to stand proud behind its new landmark venue." Yes. Behind it. Because we're never going inside.

And Jay-Z? Are you kidding me here, man? I trusted you. You're better than this. I know you own part of the Nets. And that you'll be performing at Barclays. But hawking the new stadium in this terrible video? Ugh. How can you look Blue Ivy in the eye again? She's going to be so disappointed when she sees this. 

If the folks at the Barclays Center made this video right, they would have gone with this tagline: "The Barclays Center: We promise it won't be that bad."