REVIEW: Hanco's Open: Part Deux
Erica | Monday, February 23, 2009 at 7:05AM 
Ok, so Benjamin gets mad props for being the first FIPS reporter on the scene on Saturday when Hanco's finally threw open its doors. *BUT* the dude just got bubble tea.
And so, yesterday I wanted to go over and dig a lil deeper into this whole Hanco's Vietnamese sandwich situation.
I dragged Benjamin's wife with me, and we headed on over at 11am for a super early lunch. We were there at 11 cause that's when they open (according to the hours printed on their menu)...only, uhm, NOT. Apparently the 11am on Sunday thing was a "printer mistake," at least according to the woman who screamed out an explanation at us through the side door when we inquired.
FUCK.
Ok, so we killed time for an hour and showed up again at 12 on the dot.
[Gates still down].
FUCK.
To say that we had Vietnamese sandwich blue balls by this point, would be putting verrry mildly. I needed pork products and I needed them fast. Thankfully, at about 12:05, some dude came out and unlocked the pearly Hanco's gates.
Now we weren't the only sons of bitches waiting around on 7th Avenue by this point, so we all dutifully walked in and got in line. A copy of my receipt is pictured above.
I ordered: a Classic Sandwich (mild), the Summer shrimp rolls and an Almond Bubble Tea.
Now, I *did* look at the menu beforehand and was slightly grossed out about the ingredients in a "Classic (being a Jew-n-all):" pâté, Vietnamese ham and roasted ground pork, but all my Twitter bitches said I had to go Classic, so I was trying to play ball in the big leagues.
Benjamin's wife ordered: The Tofu sandwich (mild).
Rad! So, FINALLY! Delcious Vietnamese sandys and glorious tapioca bubble tea on its way in 3...2...uh oh.
While the menu mishap should have been a telling pre-cursor to the service to come, we were still in our ignorant, "this place is gonna RAWK" frame of mind. Now, in fairness, the place pretty much immediately got busy. There were about 7 of us waiting there before the gates opened, and loads more streamed in as we were patiently sitting at our table. However, these Hanco's mofos were basically prepared for NONE OF IT.
In about 10 mins or so, those of us who had slept out overnight in lawn chairs to be there the moment the place opened were wondering where the fuck our food was. Going up to the counter to inquire (which we did several times) did nothing for our cause as we were met with blank stares from the non-English speaking, but perfectly pleasant, Hanco's workers who, due to their non-English speaking abilities, were not able to help our asses.
At 22 minutes since the time stamp on her receipt, Benjamin's wife was livid and went up to the counter again. SOMEHOW, she came back with a Tofu Sandwich.
FINA-FUCKING-LY.
Now, we both ordered our sandwiches "mild" because the chick behind the counter basically scared us into doing it. Not sure what it is about me, but when I looked back at her straight in the eyes and said "SPICY," she replied with "it's REAWWY, REAWWY SPICY" as a stern warning. Ok, so fine...I'm obviously a total pussy. Thanks for putting an exclamation point on that Ms Hanco's. Mild it is.
Of course, after biting into the tofu sandwich, I was glad I went "mild" cause "mild" is still pretty fucking spicy.
Now, true confessions: upon looking at this thing, my immediate thought was: ZOMG, that looks totally disgusting. But upon biting into it, I instantly became a convert. The combo of the tofu, the sauce and the fresh veggies really is a nice mix for anyone who doesn't do pork products and/or other meat. The crispy bread is a nice contrast to everything too.
At this point, 3 or 4 minutes passed and we then hear them call #346! Uh oh. That was Benjamin's wife's number...for her tofu sandwich...which we are currently stuffing our faces with. And now another one is sitting there definatly on the counter. We go up to alert the staff and, of course, they stare back at us blankly.
I was now thinking: I ordered directly after Benjamin's wife, so my order is probably coming up lickety split!
[......]
[......]
[......]
TEN long additional minutes pass and my order is no where to be found. At this point, 32 minutes have transpired since the time stamp on my receipt.
We go up to the counter again and mention that we have been waiting for quite a long time for a mild Classic. Voila! One is produced in a flash:
A. Yessssss!
B. If these motherfucking sandwiches were already made and motherfucking ready to go (easily produced the moment someone asks for one), then WHY IN THE CHRIST HAVE I BEEN WAITING FOR HALF AN HOUR???
But of course we then still had the little ish of my bubble tea and my summer shrimp rolls. I notice that there is a very almond-esque looking bubble tea on the counter and inquire if it might be mine. "NOOOOOOO!" "Ok, because I did order an almond bubble tea as well," I plead. "NOOOOOOOOO!" They then go back and forth for a few (in Vietnamese? Really I have no clue...) and the guy says "YOU ORDER ALMOND?" I say "yes" and they hand it over.
Now I just need my goddmmed summer rolls (which, by the way, I don't even want at this point).
Those are produced a min or two later and I trudge back to my table.
JUST as I'm unwrapping my sandwich I hear "NUMBER THREE FORTY EIGHT!!" Oh, for the love of Christ.
I walk up to the counter and there is my order...again...innocently waiting on the counter. At this point 36 minutes have elapsed...and I have all my shit anyway. I try to explain this...to the people that JUST handed me all my shit, and [blank stares].
Fuck it...I'm hungry.
So, here's my sandwich:
Now, as predicted, that white thick ham shit immediately grossed me out, so I had to remove it and bury it under a pile of napkins. Upon further inspection, I discovered what I believe to be the pâté, buried deep beneath all the ground pork. The visual of that *also* grossed me out, so I had to give that stuff a funeral as well.
I then, after 30+ mins of waiting and 4 separate fights with miscellaneous Vietnamese Hanco's workers, took a bite of my sandwich. And OK, fine...it did totally rock my world.
The ground pork was really amazing--perfectly seasoned and cooked. Again the contrast of the fresh, slightly peppery vegetables, with the rich piggy pork, all on a kick ass baguette like roll, was almost too much to handle.
I loved the shit out of it.
Now, the almond bubble tea was waaaay too sweet for me. I took two sips and almost threw up, but I'm chalking that up to the fact that I just might not be a bubble tea devotee.
Also, stay far away from the summer shrimp rolls...they were totally inedible in my opinion. They come with a nice peanut dipping sauce, but the rolls themselves were completely bland and tasteless. This is them:
So, in summary: My sandwich rocked my face off; the service sucked a dick, but I'll probably be back anyway cause I'm fat like that.
Welcome to the nabe, Hanco's!
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Reader Comments (5)
god damn you are a whiny bitch. glad you liked the sandwich after you picked it apart. way to try new food.
"Vietnamese sandwich blue balls" is quite funny, yo.
Oh fer fuck's sake. Why couldn't you just save everyone the trouble of reading this ignorant post, and the poor people at Hanco's the displeasure of your spoiled Jew-ass (probably) nasally whining. What the fuck did you expect to be on your sandwich when the goddamn fucking menu SAYS IT HAS HAM AND PATE` ON IT?!?! Did you think they were cute Vietnamese hipster ("Vipster"?) references to Justice songs and "ironic" ham? I used to work in a restaurant, and you were the type of person who would definitely get a big fat loogey in their vichyssoise. As a review, your post provides no useful information at all, other than that you are a retarded, spoiled, complaint-ridden cunt, and probably a shitty lay. Oh, scratch the 'retarded part'....the mentally handicapped at least have a reason. You're just plain stupid.
A very funny post!
James, ouch, lighten up.
If you want fast food, go to McD's. I visited Hanco's for the first time this evening. These guys just opened, fer Christ's sake. Give them a chance to iron out the kinks. I ordered two sandwiches and they were presented to me in 15 minutes at a time when there were about a dozen customers waiting for orders. By the time I got home, the bread was still warm and the ingredients were fresh and tasty. I particularly liked the sardine sandwich.
Like others critical of your writing, I read your blog with mixed emotions.
I despise your whining, your railing about irrelevant, trivial bothers (like the service at Target in Atlantic Center, which isn't even in PS). Yet, somehow, like watching House or Curb Your Enthusiasm, one is amused at how you will embarrass yourself today.