PROOF THAT TOO MUCH DEEPAK MAKES YOU GO BAT SHIT CRAZY

Thanks to White Whine (a collection of first world problems) for this little gem. In case you’re blind, here’s what this eems says:

Hi Becky! This is Kaylyn’s mum. [SMILEY FACE]. I have a concern about the snacks that you’re serving to the kids. Today we were in the store and Kaylyn pointed out the type of cookies that you served at the teddy bear picnic. Much to my dismay they weren’t a name brand. My husband and I pay good money for childcare and we expect that corners won’t be cut in the care of our child. That and we don’t want to instill the sorts of values in her that make her think that it’s okay to settle for less than the best. That might be hard for you to understand, but it means a lot to me. “The more boundless your vision, the more real you are.” –– Deepak Chopra

Whoever wrote this is all kinds of wonderful. But I do have a few comments:

1. This lady better be British. Otherwise there’s no excuse for using the word “mum.”

2. No amount of yellow smiley faces are going to make her less of an asshole.

3. Teddy Bear picnic is the gayest/best party theme ever. Now I know what to do for my kid’s birthday next year!

4. Deepak Chopra’s name always reminds me of deep throating. You know, like BJs?

5. What’s wrong with this little girl for remembering what brand of cookies she ate? Shouldn’t she have just been shoveling them in her mouth along with some crayons n’ junk? I think her parents need to get her checked out stat, because she might be retarded. Or a genius. Just saying.

Baby Kaylyn’s teddy bear + a low-class cookie? Oh. Here go hell come.