PPW Bike Lane: This Shit Will NEVER Go Away

image via Bike Blog NYCMajor developments in Park Slope's own Gaza Strip may spell relief for battle weary residents as one of the thoroughfare's most sizzling debates could be coming to a close. There has been a promising new development in the fight over that bastardly bike lane or as I call it, my favorite bloody horse corpse.

According to transportationnation.org Neighbors for Better Bike Lanes has teamed up with Seniors for Safety to issue support for a moratorium.

Wow cool guys, a compromise, this is very mature!

And hats off to Christine Quinn and the City Council for passing those 3 bills that made you so happy. A couple of things though: first, Seniors for Safety is hands down a much cooler name than Neighbors for Better Bike Lanes so NBBL take a nod from those sassy seniors and consider something catchier. Secondly, press releases shouldn't be that long. EVER. We get it. You tried to get data from the DOT and when they gave it to you it didn't say what you wanted it to. You've said that like 10,000 times. I mean we can sum up the union standoffs in Wisconson in fewer words.

So I've taken the liberty of revising your press release for the sake of brevity. It should read a little something like this: "What we really want is the DOT to move the flippin' bike lanes into the park because they make the street look ass ugly."

But wait a minute, something doesn't make sense here? So if the DOT removes one bike lane you'll leave us alone forever? What about all the traffic you've been bitching about? What about the hours of endless video footage you've been jackin off to? And all your "missing data?" You formed a fucking group to get rid of this thing because you hated the idea of it's very existance? How will the removal of one lane make you happy? To quote Mugatu, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

In that case, here's the revised-revised NBBL, SFS press release: "What we really want is the DOT to move the flippin' bike lanes into the park because they make the street look ass ugly but since we know we don't have a shot in hell at making that happening we'll settling for removing one bike lane so we can justify all that time we wasted."

Park slope Patch, who did not run the press release, because the size of it would probably crash their site, found yet another neighborhood group with a so/so name, Park Slope Neighbors (PSN). Their badass co-founder Aaron Naparstek had this to say via email to the blog: "The redesign of PPW is the result of years of community process involving input from every majorstakeholder group. Community decisions like these aren't negotiated via press releases under threat of law suit."

Word. Up.