Park Vigilante Poisons Pigeons, Confesses in Blog Forum

A Park Sloper under the pseudonym "Pyrrhic Victory" (gag) recently took to Brooklynian's forum to confess his murderous ways toward the pigeon population in JJ Byrne Park. In this epic rant, he details his strategy of sprinkling rat poison over the bread that people toss to the birds (which they do to purge their life sins, he explains), and is fully willing to accept the "collateral damage" that comes along with this code-less Dexter-esque job (ie, other birds, your dog/child who may ingest the poison).

And why? Because "it is after all for the greater good." Epic sigh. 

Hello my fellow residents of Park Slope,
it is with heavy heart that I have to resort to coming onto a forum to voice my opinion. I have lived in this wonderful neighborhood for over 25 years and I have seen it change drastically in that time. While some would say it has changed for the worse I say it has changed for the better. My only gripe is with the people who seem hell bent on trying to erase their life's sins by feeding the nasty population of pigeons at JJ Bryne Park. I have tried man many times but to no avail to try and talk to these individuals but they refuse to stop feeding these winged rodents. I explained to them that they carry vile diseases but this notion does not seem to sink in. Frankly, I grow tired of cleaning bird poop off my stoop where there is a tree where upon these vile creatures have set up shop. I don't even dare park my car under this tree unless I want it to be encrusted with bird fecal matter. Sadly I and a few other residents have taken it upon ourselves to try and control the pigeon population by sprinkling rat poison in the park where the bird feeders usually spread their bread banquet. We hope to use the very bird feeders to dispense our poison. We understand the dangers of this tactic but we are willing to accept the collateral damage to the surrounding innocent wildlife. It is after all for the greater good. My neighbor Mike has also implemented a way to get rid of the pigeons from the trees by our building. He basically has constructed a few bird feeders that would hang from the trees that would dispense water laced with anti freeze. The results have been quite remarkable. Although the pigeon numbers are decreasing we need to put pressure on the pigeon feeders to stop what their doing before the pigeon population explodes once again and we return back to square one.

I reach out to my fellow Park Slope residents and implore them to please stop feeding the birds until we can put a dent in the pigeon populace.

THANK YOU!

[Via Brooklynian, Curbed]