Park Slope Man Threatens To Break Up With Girlfriend If G Train Extension Is Canned

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It's hard being single.  You've got to deal with emotionally unavailable men, and clingy women and, well, generally, it's just a parade of horrible criminal injustices visited upon you by a bunch of low-lifes, sluts, losers, whiners, human trashbags and self-professed libertarians.

Mayor Bloomberg has only made that worse.  In a desperate bid to win re-election last year (or was it the year before? I may have been drunk for a few months), he put up these re-election ads in the subway promising an express F-Train, which made everyone who lives near the 7th Avenue Stop crap his or her pants in gleeful anticipation.  They've got the fucking express tracks.  Why don't they let us speed by those assholes in Carroll Gardens and Cobble Hill on our way into work?  That's a very good question, FiPS Reader.  Congratulate yourself for asking it.

Well, the Brooklyn Paper is here to tell you that not only is Bloomberg conveniently forgetting about his promise to make your commute just a little bit faster (okay, Brooklyn Paper didn't tell you that, but Bloomberg's a lame duck and it hasn't fucking happened yet), he's also  now going to complicate your personal life by eliminating the G-Train extension.

Here's the thing.  Unless you work at an art gallery or in a Polish Deli, no one uses the G-Train to get to work. And those aren't real jobs, anyway.  Real jobs are in things like Marketing, and Publishing, and fields that employ Culture Creators.  The only reason that people take the G-Train to get from Park Slope to Greenpoint is so that they can have sexy time  with their insignificant others.

The Brooklyn Paper is onto this, and they've blown this shit wide open with an exposé, in which they've quoted some guy named James Botha. The man lives in the Slope and has announced (in the goddamned fucking newspaper of all places) that if the G-train extension is canceled, he's going to break up with his girlfriend:

“My girlfriend lives in Park Slope and we’ll have to break up if the G line extension stops,” James Botha wrote while signing a petition to maintain the train service.

So, James Botha's girlfriend -- you are on notice, baby. James Botha would rather masturbate than have to make a subway transfer in order to tap your ass.  Either you're a really bad lay, or James Botha is the fucking laziest straight man in the history of heterosexuality.  If you got him a fleshlight for Valentines Day this year, you should be kicking yourself in the teeth, because that's what he's gonna be doing, instead of you.

We're here, for you, James Botha's girlfriend.  You can do better.