PARK SLOPE HYPOCRISY WATCH: NO MINORITIES PLEASE
Benjamin | Wednesday, March 25, 2009 at 12:15AM 
I get such a queasy feeling from these idiotic signs on every door post...they're like some politically-correct Passover Lamb's Blood from the Ten Commandments starring Charlton Heston.
It's just something about the general self-righteousness of these organized douches banding together and putting these smug little stickers on their gates; I mean, what the hell is the ostensible point - that they want to save paper and waste? That they're above participating in the commercialism inherent in menu delivery? Yeah fuckin right, like everyone in the slope doesn't receive at least 25% of their life-sustenance from Hunan delivery men.
Well, like every other well-intended politically-correct scheme, this half-baked sham ends up having the opposite effect of what the douches intend. I mean, do you really think this is cutting down on the amount of paper being wasted? Bitch, please:
I'll even give you the benefit of the doubt that you DON'T just put up the signs strictly because you don't want a constant stream of Latinos, Blacks, and Asians hovering around your doorsteps. Even given that leap o' blindfaith, let's analyze what practical effect these signs actually have:
- Restaurant owners print up a constant number (n) of flyers (n is 100% not affected by these retarded signs)
- Delivery men, who are exclusively minorities and exclusively male, are then dispatched to Park Slope to deliver the menus.
- When the delivery men see these fucking signs, they either ignore them or go on to another house.
- When the delivery men are done with their rounds, they either throw the remaining menus out or stuff them behind some bushes or into a landfill or shallow grave somewhere where their ink will poison and murder the environment 5000% faster than if they were sitting in some retarded Sackett St. CUNY Professor's mailbox.
- Mission failed, you suck.
Why you gotta make it harder for a brotha to complete his rounds? It's the fuckin great depression 2009 you heartless, myopic, self-centered dolts!
Have a little rachmanis and take down the signs, jerkoffs.
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Reader Comments (19)
Hey, about #2. I saw these latino chicks delivering menus one day around 3rd Street and 7th. They looked like they just arrived like Maria Full of Grace and shit. One was pretty hot. I was wondering if I could give her some money and a big tip for her delivery, you know what I'm saying?
Truth!!!!!!!
honestly, if I was walking around delivering menus, I would go out of my way to drop MORE of those motherfuckers on any house that had that sign
i think I'm falling for you benji (already had a crush on fips)
I'm all about race wars but don't you think you're looking a little too deep into this?
I noticed these last weekend wandering around the slope. I found them a little absurd, but sort of wanted them to invade bed stuy. only because i hate paper...the same paper, over and over again. i only need one menu, not 30. i hate the guilt when i throw the same menus in the trash night after night.
perhaps there could be a trade...featured banner ads with a promise to suspend menu blitzes for a little while. then compare the ROI. errrrr, or something.
Fuck it, keep the menus coming.
FUNNY analysis and so true. I never thought of it that way before: the signs don't even work!
I love this.... too funny and what a great point!
genius.
funny,
live on 43th st. in sunset park.
new downstairs neighbors put this exact sign up on the door.
laughing cause I've run out of tears
There is actually a NY state law about unsolicited papers/advertisments saying if you were to put a sign on your fence/window stating no unsolicited advertisments and they place one you can call 311 and i think the fine is about $75-$150 per menu/advertisement.
me? i'm all knocking on the window, "no menu! no menu! go AWAY!"
then i run out and sweep and slather Purell® all over my door frame and knobs.
for the menus and flyers for housecleaning and construction services (like i'm letting those people in my house) that do get left when i'm not keeping vigil at my window, i send them back to the place of origin (if it has an address - else i phone to complain).
thank you benjamin for sticking up for all of us little people.
I agree somewhat with Nicole. I have my own messes to clean up - I don't want to clean up after delivery men shoving menus under my door.
Waster paper? Don't care. Wasted labor? Fuck it. Me having to do extra cleaning because Pedro or Ling Ling didn't feel like respecting my space? That's where I draw the line.
I LOVE getting my menus and having my library of local choices, and I totally rely on them, but I can also understand why someone would want them to halt. They are often strewn in large quantities and piled up for days in my lobby and around my halls for DAYS and WEEKS as people courteously (or lazily) leave them for others to (hopefully) find useful. But once I collect a menu and it's re-delivered in piles over and over and again... the sign posted in this entry seems like a great idea.
We don't have one of those signs, and we don't get that many menus. But every other week we do get like 30 or 40 Kohls flyers all individually stuffed in their own plastic bag. They are just dumped on the stoop for us to deal with. Everyone on the block with one of those signs, doesn't get this helpful gift. What (and where) the fuck is Kohl's anyway?
I find the color scheme of these posters offensive. Isn't there a law about such offenses in historical districts? I am considering filing a complaint.
Also, those flyers have coupons in them for free or nearly free toilet paper and paper towels. I use mine at the food coop when I venture into the neighborhood. People should except the flyers and use the coupons to get the paper products and donate to local school or church.
I glad to see some one finally cleaning up the giant pile of pigeon crap on Union St. across from Tea Lounge.
I mean ACCEPT! What are we going to do about the education system outside of the slope? No wonder they don't want us coming into the neighborhood
You know....some of you people are real rudy poo candy asses. "Wah I live in a neighborhood with almost infinite food choices. Wah they all compete for my dollar and bring menus for delivery right to my door for my benefit. Wah I don't live in a neighborhood where my only two food choices are a whack ass Chinese wings, rib and fried rice take out and some nonsense, knock off resembling KFC, where I can only order inside the confines of a plexiglass box cause they won't deliver. Wah, wah, wah." It's like leaves when they pile up, do you cry to the fucking tree cause it wilted? No you just pick them up and throw them away.
um....i don't need paper menus.
ever heard of menupages.com??