Park Slope Craigslist Blotter

FOR SALE: Hot tub

It must be some kind of hot tub time machine… Hot tubs are sweet. I’ve got one at my place and it’s amazing. After work I go in with a bag of beef jerky. Turn the radio on. You ever listen to the end of Francesa while polishing off a bag of Jack Links in your sex tub? It’s heaven. Die smiling, son. That’s what my dad used to tell me.

FOR SALE: Snow shoes

Writing this on Thursday and it is cold. The streets were empty today too. Know what that means? No, not cuffing season. Winter is coming. You’ve got to be prepared. You can start off with these 4 foot long snow shoes. They are sure to come in handy absolutely never.

EVENT: New Year’s Eve Party

New Year’s Eve always sneaks up on me…it’s the reason I tell myself I’m spending it crying alone for another year in a row. I didn’t get a chance to make plans! Too busy. But if you’d really like to paint yourself into a corner and not have a handy excuse for being alone on New Year’s you can sign up now for the party at Grand Prospect Hall. It has an open bar with all the typical festive fixings for $175.

MISSED CONNECTION: We love you

I don’t understand this at all. The poster keeps referring to himself as we. We think you’ve got style, we love, blah, blah, blah. You’re using the royal we. Who are you supposed to be? Me? Will Leitch? You can’t be me. I’m me. Maybe you’re Will Leitch. Maybe I’m Will Leitch? We don’t approve of this creepy post.

MISSED CONNECTION: Drag Me To L

Our poster was walking down the street when he ran into a beautiful lady. He struck up a conversation and then they rode the L Train together and talked about all sorts of things. But like, life things, you dig? Important shit. Then her stop came and she got off. Struck with cupid’s arrow he couldn’t bear the thought of living without at least trying to be with her. He began the work of tracking her down. Three months later he had an address. He took two subways and a bus out to Mill Basin and triumphantly knocked on her door. Her mom answered “My daughter? Yes. That’s her. I’m so sorry to tell you this but she passed away 3 years ago last March. Dragged to her death by the L Train.” Whoa. Wouldn’t that have been more interesting than the actual post? If you aren’t going to click it he didn’t track her down. He just gets into the same car on the L every day and it’s the one year anniversary. Stay thirty, my friends.