Park Slope – Craigslist Blotter
Jim | Monday, November 25, 2013 at 12:01PM 
I don't know if there are bats in New York. I've been in New York my entire life and I've never seen one. Really, this picture looks more like a fig. That's the stem on the left. I don't like figs…that aren't in Newtons. Those are my jam? Just some fig humor y'all. If this really is a bat, somebody tell this idiot to stop trying to feed it blood. Only three out of 1100 species of bat drink blood.
This is why we do this every week. This is why we're here folks. For the low price of $440-$600 you can spend your December weekends learning how to make your own shoes. Will they be ugly? Certainly. Will they be uncomfortable? You betcha. Maybe I'm too unsophisticated to appreciate paying a lot of money for them but, even if you ignore the fact that you have to make them, why would you pay 600 bucks for shoes? Astronaut shoes might cost more but they are made for space. They are going to walk on the moon in those.
All good dogs go to Park Slope. This little guy was found on 10th St. between 4th and 6th avenue. So 5th avenue I guess? He looks happy. Happy looking dogs are the best. Except for sad looking dogs. Those are the best too. Ugh. Dogs are the best.
MISSED CONNECTION: Bald guys need love too.
I have the hair of a virile lion, with a big ole nut sack, lazing about in the shade on a hot day with my 3 wives. Lots of my friends have gone bald though. This 28 year old woman finds that sexy. She has a boyfriend but she doesn't care. She wants to rub baby oil all over that Jay Glazer dome and get down.
I don't go on Buzzfeed. I see links on Facebook. Maybe I click them, but I've never seen the homepage. A friend told me they reposted a NYC Craigslist Missed Connection and I had to see it. She grabbed her phone, looked it up and handed it to me. Then she asked me to read it out loud. I didn't know what to expect. What followed was an emotional journey, occasionally interrupted by tension breaking jokes and ending with myself dismissing it as a hoax. Cooked up by a troll trying to get on Buzzfeed. I was just frontin. Inside was a torrent of emotions that still lingers. I'm not a hugger or a toucher or whatever. Hands off the merchandise. I wanted to hug her though. Apologize for all the stupid things I've said. Sob awkwardly. Big picture, this is what love is. It's not about advancing the species or splitting rent or not being bored. It's about human connection. Even if it's just for one night that you never forget. You talk, you laugh, you whatever. I get it now. This is my Scrooged moment. We spend a lot of the time on the internet poking fun at genuine people. I hope you read this link though and I hope, if you haven't already, you all find your own Grand Central Love Song.
This week we'll be looking at the most expensive, by owner, rental available in Park Slope. Usually I only look for 1 BR and Studios but we just talked about love. So let's include the whole family.
For $12500 you can rent out an entire brownstone on Lincoln and 6th. That's a lot of dough but it has 10 bedrooms. $1250 a room seems reasonable. I wish I had 9 friends. It's not divided into apartments so it would be like the Tenenbaum house. Richie stay away from your sister. RIP Pagoda!!
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