Park Slope Craigslist Blotter

We're bringing the blotter to you a day early this week in honor of the holiday weekend. Enjoy!

COMMUNITY: Classical Guitar Lessons

This person has been posting every goddamn day trying to get the word out about their guitar lessons. I mean classical guitar lessons. That's the stuff Bernie Williams plays. There are more than six strings right? No. There aren't. I don't know what I was thinking. Ukuleles have four strings and while they are probably past the tipping point of coolness now but I still really dig their sound. Can't you teach uke lessons, bro? I'd take them.

EVENT: Summer Art Class

True story. I took an art class in college, intro to drawing or something. I got halfway through the semester and the professor asked me to drop out because I was so bad at it and wasn't improving. I mean who is that really a reflection on though, right? Take some pride in your work Professor X.  If a man is called to be a street sweeper, you know?

EVENT: Basketball Tournament

This reminds me of one of my favorite movies, White Men Can't Jump. "I'll tell you what. Why don't we take all these bricks and build a shelter for the homeless, so maybe your mother will have a place to stay." They have to trash talk while playing. My pickup basketball days are over but good GOD was my trash talk game tight. Sometimes I still want to get out there, hang around the 3 point lines and lob insults. This tournament is in Williamsburg, too. You know there is going to be a team full of dudes with undercuts begging to be made fun of.

FREE: Redwood Tree

There are these cute little pigs that are called Teacup Pigs. They are bred or genetically modified to stay small forever. Unfortunately, people think they're buying teacup pigs and they'll get a pot bellied piglet. They grow to be over 300 pounds and they destroy your house. This post reminds me of that. Someone got a redwood sapling. No idea how. It seems like that should be illegal. They planted it in Brooklyn. Now it's getting big and they are realizing it's going to knock over their entire apartment building if they don't do something. It's the smallest species of redwood but it still grows to at least 200 feet.

MISSED CONNECTION:  Umbrella Love

 Tonight I walked under an umbrella with a gorgeous, tall as shit lady. She held it over us and I thought "This is nice. I like this. I want to date a tall person now." It's that simple folks. The gentleman in this post gave his umbrella to a woman.  He wants to see her again! Rain is romantic. This will never, ever happen though. Just not nearly enough information and love is dead. Sorry fella.

MISSED CONNECTION: I'm still not into you

This is an unusual missed connection. Man chats woman up and asks her out for coffee. She says no. Now she's here saying she's attached but let's go out as friends. And she thinks he's cute. Where there is smoke… there is a stranger banging your girlfriend in front of the home fires. I think that's the expression.

MISSED CONNECTION: She doesn’t know I exist

This is another slightly unusual missed connection.  She never saw the poster. He's seen her twice and even sat next to her for an entire subway ride. However, she's never even looked in his direction. She was playing a video game, he's short, thin white dude with brown hair. If she's Japanese this could be a Weezer song.