Park Slope Craigslist Blotter

FOR SALE: Bricks

This Park Slope couple wanted to redo their garden in a vintage style. Needed some bricks. Ordered some bricks. Overdid it a bit though. Now they’re stuck with 400 leftover bricks. Maybe bricks are like garlic knots. You only want one or two. But you have to order six. Or a dozen. So you order bricks by the thousand. What would you do with a thousand garlic knots? Eat them. They’re small. Don’t be a baby. 

FOR SALE: Typewriter

People collect typewriters. Cool people. Tom Hanks collects typewriters and I saw him in that movie. You know him, he was Larry Crowne! This typewriter is from 1909 and it works. It looks really cool. If you have $425 laying around that you were just going to burn anyway then you should really buy this instead. In fact if you buy it contact us at FIPS and I’ll type up the next Craigslist Blotter on it. We’ll post it as a screen shot or something. It’ll look vintage. Those brick people will jizz themselves over it.

FOR SALE: Deadmau5 helmet

This isn’t a very nice thing to say but the only good mouse is a deadmau5. The only time I want to see one alive is if it’s being feed to a 30 foot long snake. Or being forced to test out lipstick and butt plugs in a laboratory somewhere. Anyway, there is no price on this helmet but it lights up and shit. So that’s cool.

MISSED CONNECTION: I sauna you looking at my penis.

Funny story. I broke up with my really nice girlfriend a while ago and these Missed Connections are hard for me to read through now! Except for the Gay Park Slope Gym Shower Bandit. He still posts every week to let us know he saw you peeking at him and he was looking at you too. Or that he really enjoyed that group suck fest in the steam room. Thanks, bro. You’re keeping me going.

MISSED CONNECTION:  Across The Sea

Hipster guy obsessed over Japanese culture briefly meets a Japanese girl. Despite being out of touch he now obsesses over her too. This sounds familiar. Rivers is that you? At 10 I shaved my head and tried to be a monk. I thought the older women would like me if I did. 

MISSED CONNECTION: Lights out!

It’s a Halloween Missed Connection! Spoookkyyyyyyyyyy. No, not really. She was dressed as Lola Bunny (CUTE) and he was dressed as a prisoner from Rikers Island. WHERE HE WORKS as an art therapist. That seems kind of in poor taste doesn’t it? If you work at Hostess and you dress as a Twinkie…actually there is nothing in bad taste about Twinkies. They are delicious. You get my point though. You can’t work at a prison and dress as a prisoner. Unless you’re a serial killer and that was your cover story after making a daring Halloween escape. Spooookkkyyyyyyyyy.