Park Slope Craigslist Blotter
Jim | Friday, August 15, 2014 at 12:30PM 
“If my dog had a face like you I’d shave its butt and teach it to walk backwards.” This is an old insult that can now be fully realized by attending dog grooming school. It’s four months long but it comes with a certification that will instill in you the confidence to shave any dog’s butt.
This poster has a jar of mysterious goo in his garage and he’s looking to give it away. It’s called Cabosil. Further research uncovers that Cabosil is a brand name for fumed silica. I read the Wikipedia page 10 times for this stuff and I’m still not 100% clear on what it is. It’s a manufacturing component? An artist’s tool? But still safe for human consumption? It’s free so if you want to try putting together some homemade toothpaste hit this person up.
Originally this was titled “Adopt: Pets.” So dumb. What else are you going to adopt on a street corner in Brooklyn? The hipster aesthetic as a personality substitute? Oh no, not you Warby Parker. Those high waters look boss. We’re off track. Petco is hosting an adoption event this weekend. It’ll be Sunday and it looks like cats only. Cats are great pets…if you have a dog phobia after watching one maul a person to death as a child.
There is an art school in Park Slope and they promise to work with beginners or more advanced students. They have a field trip. Cool, cool. Um. Fall Art Class. So. Deep breathe. That means summer is ending. Before starting self-improvement September with an art class I urge you to take these next two weeks to destroy yourself. Get burned up at the beach. Stop an ice cream truck and get yourself two sundaes. Sit outside at a beer garden and get blackout drunk on a weeknight.
I refuse to believe there are people that wouldn’t get an “Everything is coming up Millhouse!” reference. I do believe there are people rude enough to interrupt your phone call to ask a question as dumb as “So, you from around here?” while you are sitting on a stoop. Young love though. Life is beautiful. Hope these two find each other again.
MISSED CONNECTION: Pissing in the streets
Confession. I’m one of the reasons this city smells like piss. I’ve been known to pull it out on street corners, subway stairs and outdoor bocce courts. I don’t know if it’s that I hate toilets or just love feeling the sun on my cock. Maybe the girl in the post knows the reason why. Since she stopped between two cars to piss like a dog in the middle of the day. Unfortunately this creepy Hispanic man was watching her and even though she was desperately hiding her face from him he was mad turned on. He liked her butt. Sound like a love story as good as I’ve ever heard.
MISSED CONNECTION: Daydream believer
Pretty standard “I saw you on the subway!” post. It’s all churched up with fancy recollections of wisps of hair and shit. Whatever. What is interesting is the last sentence. “How appealing it is to say, these things I'll never say.” It’s a little doorway into the mind and motivations of a Missed Connection poster. Some things just feel good to get out. And there is a touch of an exhibitionism.
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