NOTTT Leaving Park Slope

For every yin there must be a yang: last week we had the "I'M LEAVING PARK SLOPE! dude" and this week we have the "NOT LEAVING PARK SLOPE" BREEDER.

While Daryl Lang bemoaned the fact that Park Slope lost its sense of community and was now overrun by pretentious parents who insist that their kids only speak in French, Adriana Velez is calling for all the sane, non-entitled parents to step up to the plate and show us whiny-assed BALLERS (my words, not hers) that not all Park Slope parents are douchebags. Cause allllll we keep hearing about are the Park Slope parents who ARE douchebags...and its not really fair to all the Park Slope parents who AREN'T douchebags.

Le sigh.

Here's why this shit isn't ever gonna pan out: it's a numbers game, ppl. Period, end of story.

I worked with a local mathematician to develop this formula, and we've tested this shit out in a lab, so you can bet that its 100% accurate: Here it is: for every self-entitled, self-absorbed, helicopter parent, you'll need approximately 100 normal, non-bugaboo owning, non-French speaking parents to counteract the effects of the first group.

BOOM.

That's it.

If NY Mag wants to get Nate Silver on the issue or some shit, that's fine with me. He can start tracking the stats and then let my ass know when the non-crazy BREEDERS can declare victory. Or maybe you non-crazy parents want to start registering yourselves or something? Wearing armbands? I'll leave that shit up to you, but until you have the numbers (which duh: you clearly don't right now), those crazy douchebag parents are going to continue stealing all your thunder.

Je suis très très désolé.

(via Brooklyn Based).