[My Favorite Park Slope]: Place To Be A Cheap Ass

Some people take naps, watch TV, or cook a meal to relax and unwind... I like to peruse discount stores.

Now, I don't mean like, Woodbury Commons or anything. More like...the Dollar General. So, when I need to take myself down a few pegs, after a mildly tough workout at the 9th St. NYSC, I head toward 5th avenue's DII:Deals and Discounts to embark on a cheapskate's fantasy. 

Not everything is a dollar up in this joint, but things are pretty damn cheap and the selection of goods is nice and random, as they should be in such an establishment. I'm on board with buying tacky neon lace curtains, irregular off-brand tampons, and reject men's v-neck Hanes t-shirts ALL AT THE SAME CENTRAL LOCATION. 

And for you people that like to eat while you shop at the grocery store, have no fear: they've got food (expiration date questionable) for you to enjoy. Lastly, here are some tips for your adventure...

Tips For Your Cheapskate Shopping Adventure:

·    You will buy 3-5 things that you absolutely do not need...but seriously, when foam ass-implant underwear are $3, you buy them and tell no one.

·    The women that work the registers will be impossibly rude, no matter what. Get over it, you're not special, they do that to everyone.

·    Only buy edible items if you are really desperate to get your nosh on OR if you are the kind of person who buys food at TJ Maxx, therefore having an acclimation to such types of physical punishment.

·    The discount 12 packs of athletic socks are always weird at the pinky toe. You're going to have to stuff the seam into your toe cleavage. It's fine.

·    There's a security guard at the door like they have at Chanel, though I am fairly sure he's there in case a fight breaks out over the last box of May-tex tampons, and not so worried about someone stealing the gallon container of Jungle Breeze Softsoap.

·    Be wary of some of the clothes...the fluorescent lights somehow hypnotize you into thinking that apeacoat made of snowman fabric could somehow "work" with the right outfit. It can't, and I'm guessing that they don't take returns.