WARNING: The Tale of Despereaux is Absolutely Fucking Terrifying

Just got back from taking my 5 year old daughter to see The Tale of Desperaux at the Pavillion; Holy Fucking Shit – I need a drink and we both need counseling!

It was rated G of course, but I think The Motion Picture Association of America's Rating System must be staffed by psychotic fundamentalist Christians:

ANY movie that is animated seems to automatically be rated G, while any movie that mentions friggin evolution gets a PG-13.

Please someone make an animated movie about bong hits and teen sex so I can see what they rate it. Oh, wait.

Regardless, The Tale of Despereaux featured:

• Choking Death
• Wailing Mothers watching their children be led to execution
• Daughter sold into slavery
• Gladiator-style death
• Fully-grown hot blonde animated human female tied down to be eaten by rats in horrifying ceremony.
• Manic depression
• Scary fuckin bad guys

Fuck that shit!

Believe me, I saw Faces of Death 10 times when I was fifteen – I'm all for horror – but don't make the goddamn trailer make the movie look like Ratatouille II and give the shit a G rating.

Thanks a lot you fucktards - now I gotta sit up till 11pm with my terrified kid, readin' her Eloise. Can't even get laid on New Years Fuckin Eve??

Avoid.

FIPS ToDo's

*Have a happy fucking New Year! (Brooklyn Based)

[ONE MORE DAY! WHERE YOU AT BK??] 209 Reasons Brooklyn is So Very Badass

So, we were totally inspired by NY Mag's recent "Reasons to Love NY" piece here at FIPS HQ. We've also been jonesing to do a yearly wrap up type piece that gives mad props to our fave nyc borough, BK, and reflects all of the diff reasons its the bad-assest .

So, we came up with an idea and now we need your help (like REALLY need ur help b/c we only have one day left!!).

In honor of 2009, we're putting together a list of 209 reasons Brooklyn is totally and completely badass.

We're looking for specific reasons such as: "The volcano roll at JPan brings me more satisfaction than my vibrator," and also more general stuff like: "more hipsters per square foot than anywhere else on Earth" (ed note: except for Echo Park).

Why do you think Brooklyn is so badass? Pretty please, tell us?

We're gonna gather together everyone's entries and pub them all on January 1, 2009.

Email us at effedinparkslope at gmail dot com or leave a comment. If you have a blog/tumblr/et al and want a shoutout back, make sure to include your info (and feel free to reblog-n-spread the word!...we'd love to hear from as many BK peeple as we can).

Curbed Comments Section Turns Into Big Gay Battle Royale

I get bored very easily.

Among the shit that bores me most is Park Slope-brand political correctness, or as my man Blognigger coined it, McCarthyism 2.0.

That's what I loved about Curbed readers' reactions to the site's coverage of yesterday's FIPS article on the Tea Lounge:

No one really wanted to focus their energy on the same old boring topic of Breeder vs. Baller - barely anyone wanted to chime in on how retarded and corny FIPS is for making the same old hackneyed observations about the Tea Lounge - instead, everyone decided to just start calling each other faggots.

I'm a big supporter of this group decision: First of all, it makes for a compelling and extremely humorous thread. Second, it proves that political correctness is one big lie, motivated and maintained exclusively by fear: As soon as humans are given a little anonymity, they start lashing right out and calling each other gay.

Gay people were hating on straights, straights were hating on gays - and you know what? It looks to me like they all had a good time. I wish that the Tea Lounge itself was this honest:

I said a LITTLE milk, ya dumb dyke.

Pour it yourself then, breeder bugaboo whore.

Maybe one day our community will be set free, and everyone will speak as they truly feel. For now, how lucky we are to have a laboratory for this enlightening sociological experiment.

It's awesome.

Rosie Perez is a Real Brooklynite. We're Not [You Might Not Be Either]

Rosie gets into the nitty gritty of who is and isn't a REAL Brooklnite with Brian Lehrer of WNYC.

Our fave comment on the debate comes from Robert from NYC: What makes a real Brooklynite? The ability to turn people off quickly by talking about Brooklyn.

[Lulz!]

[Also, Noah brought our attensh to the hilarious SNL vid above, which also explores this very same issue].

(via Brooklyn Hall of Fame).