MAYBE FAKESTEVEBUSCEMI IS ACTUALLY REALSTEVEBUSCEMI AFTER ALL?

Well, bitches: don't say we never go to bat for your asses.

After learning the other day of the existence of a phantom Steve Buscemi account on Twitter, I have literally been working day and night trying to figure out if this chump was REALSTEVEBUSCEMI or FAKESTEVEBUSCEMI. And let me tell you: its fucking hard out there for a pimp.

Thankfully, after an extended online game of cat and mouse, we can finally reveal the following interview that FIPS conducted with REAL/FAKESTEVEBUSCEMI:

1. Are you the real Steve Buscemi?

Yes. You wouldn't recognize me, I've gained a ton of weight and kids usually stop me for photos because they think I'm Bam Margera's cockeyed uncle.

2. If yes: prove it.

[The pic above was offered up as proof].

3. Are you friends with Hodgman? Turturro?

I am not friends with Hodgman though I do remember meeting him once on the subway. We spoke of our mutual hatred for The Sound of Music, what random animals and celebrities would look like if they mated (a wildebeest and Maggie Gyllenhaal, a goat and Richard Gere?), and girls who wear brightly colored wigs and thick odorous perfume to gain attention even when they are ugly as fuck. And Turturro, yes, of course I am friends with him. We don't tuck each other in every night and watch It's a Wonderful Life marathons on Christmas or anything, but he is a great person to have over for dinner. My son and wife both love him. Sometimes he'll come over and we'll all get drunk on spiced apple cider and play charades and watch good movies. Last one we saw was "The Matodor" with Greg Kinnear and Pierce Brosnan. Incredible, just fucking incredible.

4. Which Ghost World girl did you want to fuck more?

Illeana Douglas

5. Why do you live in Park Slope (and follow up: Red Hot or Hunan)?

Who said I live in Park Slope? I don't only have one place I call home. I sleep in hostels from time to time. I have alter egos you don't even want to know about.

See, this is why I'm pretty sure we've got a FAKESTEVEBUSCEMI...cause I don't know ANYONE who lives in Park Slope who doesn't have a very solid fucking opinion on the Hunan vs. Red Hot issue.

Thoughts?