Let's Get Stoned?

I like cleverly-named stores and restaurants as much as the next person, which is to say I kind of hate them (hearing that “Bah-da-BAH!” drum sound in my head upon noting the cleverness or pun). Park Slope is not exempt from such venues: Pita Pan. The V Spot. Spring Thyme. And my prime target of WTF-ness, Stoned.

No no, not the capital act of being wonderfully high from illegal substances. A rock store! A rock and shells and minerals and meteors and crystals and fossils store (Okay fine, the sound of “meteors” is kind of cool). From the stoners who brought us Rock Star Crystal Warehouse in Manhattan, Stoned graces lovely 5th Avenue in Park Slope. Shiny geodes, crystals, quartz obelisks!

Are you excited yet???

The question was once posed to me: “Geodes are cool, but really, do you want one?” I didn’t have to ponder this one. No! I don’t want one! At all. Do you?

My question is: why are there rock stores in the first place? WHY???? Do people still have rock collections? I thought that was only something I used to partake in to compete against my sister’s stamp collection nerdiness. Well, and maybe I was going through that awkward phase where pieces of mica and malachite were akin to friends.

But really, why did Stoned have to surface in the ‘slope just over a year ago? Who goes here?

Okay, I’m done.