IF YOUR DOG IS A DICK, PLEASE KEEP IT THE HELL AWAY FROM MY DOG

Le sigh.

It's beyond retarded that I even need to write about this shit, but here it is: if you have an unfriendly dog, do NOT walk right the fuck up to me and my dog pretendin like your little mofo is Lassie.

I mean, what IS up with that?! I just don't get it?

I've got the sweetest, cutest, friendliest little dude you will ever run into. And also, uhm...he's kind of really hot. I mean, I don't like to brag, but my dog is Chuck Bass hot...and the last thing he needs is YOUR dog trying to bite his fucking face off and messing with his hottness.

So just so there is no confusion, here's what you need to do: if you see me walking down the street with my dog, make eye contact with me from at least 10 feet away. Then clearly state: "he/she is not so friendly." FINITO. That's it!

I mean, is that really so hard?

Also, here are some other rules:

* If you have an unfriendly dog, do NOT walk the fuck into Prospect Park. E-V-E-R.

* If you have a mostly friendly dog, don't practice his/her non-biting skills on me-n-Oliver. I am not the Dog Whisperer.

* If you have a friendly dog, do not put one of those big scary pinch collars on them. Cause that shit makes me think you've got a Cujo dog.

Any questions?

Ok, based on everyone's comments, I'm including an update:

If you TELL me your dog is unfriendly and I walk up to you anyway, your dog is totally entitled to feast on my pooch. I'm talking about people who walk up to ME and my dog without a care in the world, only to have the dog attempt to attack mine at close range seconds later. This happens to me approximately once a week, at various levels of menace. I ALWAYS ask fellow dog owners if their dogs are friendly before approaching, and never just walk right up before establishing this fact.

re: the park. Last weekend or the weekend before on one of those gorgeous days where the sun was shining and kids were laughing and flowers were blooming, we took Oliver to the park. As we were approaching that little bridge near Grand Army Plaza that you need to walk through to get to that big main meadow area, I noticed a dog 20 feet away. The owner looked antsy and so I stayed away. As this woman and her dog passed us (they were approximately 5 or 6 feet away), the dog began to bark like a maniac and was jumping and lunging toward us in attack mode. The woman walking him could barely control him and we needed to quickly run into the wooded area there to avoid being attacked. WE WERE JUST WALKING BY. As I looked after her, I saw THE SAME EXACT THING happen to another dog this Cujo was passing a few feet behind us. I'm positive this scene played out with every additional dog she walked by.

I'm sorry, but this is not the sort of dog that should be waltzed right into the main meadow of Prospect Park, on a ridiculously crowded summer day with about a billion other dogs walking around. If your dog is not able to simply walk by another dog without going into attack mode, I 100% believe it is the owner's responsibility to make sure that their dog is not put into situations where this could occur and other people's animals are put into danger.

Believe me, our dog is the Woody Allen of the canine world, so the dude has got a boatload of his own issues and neuroses. I love animals, adopted our dog and will ALWAYS adopt in the future. We pretty much exclusively donate money to the ASPCA and other dog friendly organizations. But its upsetting to me to see a shitload of irresponsible dog owners out there who are not doing what they need to do to manage their own animals and not put others in danger.

Jus sayin.