I Can't Handle Much More of this Phish Shit
Erica | Tuesday, March 10, 2009 at 7:59AM 
Oh. Em. Gee.
I can't fucking handle it. Phish is only three dates into their stupid reunion tour, and already I want to kill myself.
Between the non-stop chatter on Twitter, the multi-media concert video/audio downloads, the mainstream media, and my former wannabe hippie husband Greg (who is totally fucking obsessed), there is no way in hell I can reasonably expect to make it through an entire summer of this.
Aside from the fact that I HATE their music, and think their songs are all 10 mins too long, one of my main beefs with Phish is perfectly captured in this image above.
I have stared at this pic for 3 or 4 solid minutes now, and I can't find one person in it that I DON'T want to punch...hard...in the face. I don't say any of this in a superior way...like "oooh...my music is waaay better than yoooours."
For the most part, I have horrible taste in music: I mean, yeah I dig some cool peeps like Tribe Called Quest and Phoenix, but also I genuinely like Justin Timberlake...and Nelly Furtado. I could go on, but I don't want you to throw up.
But I AM very clear about the fact that:
*I'm old
*I don't like to paint my face
*or run around in the mud
*or wear tye-dye
*or be around people who do
Cause the sort of shit that the people who dig all of the above like to listen to can always be descibed in the same exact fucking way. Some say they like "jam band music"...some say they're super "funky"...do not be fooled people. It's all fucking PHISH.
And this shit is gonna go on and on and on...alll summer long. And I C-A-N-N-O-T handle it.
Help.
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Reader Comments (19)
I never ever understood Phish. I remember a friend telling me about tape trading and handed me one from London, I asked to trade it back for some duct tape.
I fully agree. Jerry is dead, people. Go home. Take a shower. Comb out your fakey-poser dreads, and move. the fuck. on.
MOST. AMAZING. POST. EVER.
I want to be best friends with you. First of all, we have our mutual neighborhood and mutual hate for idiots in our neighborhood. Secondly you mentioned Burger King in your Brooklyn Based interview. But this post, this post right here puts it over the edge.
Like I said to the losers in my life who didn't get tickets to this fiasco: Why not just put on clown music, cruise-dread your hair and jump on a trampoline for an hour.
At least the girl in the foreground has (what appear to be) shaved armpits. Perhaps someone tackled her before the show, wrapped her in a blanket so she couldn't squirm and shaved them for her out of frustration.
this yahoo news post http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090309/ap_on_en_mu/phish_fan_arrests made me laugh almost as much as yesterdays yahoo headline that read "Martha Stewerts Dog Killed in Furnace Explosion at Kennel". Serious about that.
Sure, the people in that 15-year-old picture look like tools, but Phish played amazing music this weekend and the crowd was nicer/less sketchy than any NYC concert crowd I've ever encountered. Those with tickets were bathed, groomed, etc. Phish is not jam-band music. Jam-band music is trash. Also, Greg shouldn't stand for this shit.
I've always qualified Phish's music (and their endless jamming) with the following maxim: Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD.
Look, as a closeted deadhead who saw about 65 shows and forced Erica to take my name of this post (it was right next to Greg's) I have to say that while I have really enjoyed phish in moderate doses and have had a great time at many of their shows, you really can't argue that they're not a jam band (even if they co-invented the genre) or that they're not totally gay.
Anyway, let me be explicit - hippies are retarded, wookies are retarded, most phishheads are annoying but a phish show and phish music can be great fun if you enjoy it within the privacy of likeminded individuals and don't act like a jerkoff.
yours in shame,
b
why would anyone name a band after an ice cream?
Dump your husband and marry me. I hate Phish just as much as you do and we can while our days away making fun of white folks with dreads.
The ONLY good thing about Phish is the Ben and Jerry's flavor created in their honor, which is delish... other than that I wish the lame Dead-throw back Patchouli soaked phish following retards would eat a dick and die, or get punched in the face hard by you. Phish sucks.
As a fellow hater of most things/people, yet a lover of phish, i believe i have to interject and defend the band and some of its fans.
First off, most of phish's fans are not the dirty hippies you're expecting. while phish has similarities, both in fans and its music with the grateful dead, phish's crowd is much more upper middle class than the dead's. yes, there are the dirty hippies, but there are also people that live in park slope, frequent indie shows, have a real job, and don't wear hemp necklaces (anymore).
find me another band that has the same passion for the music as phish's crowd does -- and one that can play 3 nights in a row with no repeats and still have tons of songs they still could've played.
in short, you'll either love phish or hate them, but don't only judge based on a couple of dumb hippies.
sincerely,
the closeted non tie-die wearing hippie , Matt
Just got back from Hampton. It's about time you post something interesting.
But, surprise, it's filled with Nazi hatred.
But, and as you kids say, what-eves. Best band, best fans, best music.
It's a miracle!
LOL benjamin. Of course you like phish. Every time I come over the Grateful Dead is on. You don't even try to hide it anymore.
honestly, the last Phish show i attended was Radio City Music Hall in 2000 and something and i dont know why i just referenced that as i dont really care what kind of authority it confers or authenticity it belies. In reality i am the most inauthentic person ive ever met, and I also am not envious of people clearly more authentic oand original than myself. That aside, the last jamband show i was, i was offered X and rolls by 16 year old disgusting maggot hobbits from the main line of philadelphia. Even the girls were unattractive which is still completely what Phish shows are about, occasionally there is a cute blond hippie chick wanna be that I can rap with for about five minutes about Jerry Garcia's vocals, and then she'll let me have anal sex with her in a bathroom at her aunts central park west apartment
just kidding Phish rocks. but they totally blew this weekend. Trey should go back on coke and 18 year old dudes. That way his best solo wont come on get back on the train...seriously...also, mike is totally weird and page is a fag. Jon Fishman is a total mook and overrated guitar player. Billy Martin blows him out of the water
best post. lol. FIPS phucking rocks!