HURRICANE PLAYLIST

Everyone knows that a good party can't get started without an absolutely excellent playlist.  And if you're like me and have a terrible, shameful iTunes library, you'd rather drink a pint glass full of bleach than risk the humiliation that would come from putting your iPod on shuffle and having the Aladdin Soundtrack or Melissa Etheridge come on. 

Because then you'll be forced to defend the honor of "Come to My Window" and no one should ever have to do that.

So, I've assembled a hurricane playlist that will keep you rocking as you're shut up in your apartment, eating a bag of Hurricane Doritos and drinking a bottle of Hurricane Mountain Dew with your Hurricane Girlfriend.

1. "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by Scorpions: Yes, it's the most obvious choice.  If your friends are even moderately clever, they've told you that they're going to rock you like a hurricane the minute you walked into the bar.  Hurricane Irene is the best thing that's happened to Scorpions in the past 20 years.  Think of all of the royalties!  You're welcome, Rudolf Schenker.

2. "Hurricane" by Bob Dylan: Nothing can stop a party like a 10 minute long song, unless it's "Bat Out of Hell" and you're in the middle of a rage cycle, or "Bohemian Rhapsody" and you're really, really stoned.  WHATEVER, EVERYONE.  IT HAS "HURRICANE" IN THE TITLE.  "Here comes the story of the hurricane" is RIGHT.   

3. "SOS" by Rihanna: I'm pretty sure Rihanna knows about as much about nautical emergency codes as everyone in Park Slope does, but it doesn't matter.  SOS, everyone.  None of us suckers had a friend upstate we could stay with and now we're all SOL, LOL.

4. "Message in a Bottle" by The Police: Speaking of SOS, a lot of terrible things will happen if we lose power.  1). Your iPhone will die and you won't be able to write smartass Tweets; 2.) You won't have access to Netflix Instant View streaming, which, by the way, is the only thing keeping you on the right side of the law right now; 3.) You'll be forced to have un-airconditioned sex. If it comes to this, you better believe that ima send a message in a bottle to ConEd.  It'll say, 'Get the fuck on it, I can only read a book for so long!" 

5. "Umbrella" by Rhianna: Man, Rihanna seems to know a lot about safety preparedness.  Maybe because she lived on the beach for most of her life and had to exist mainly on a diet of coconuts and seaweed (I'm pretty sure that's not a lie, but I'm not a real journalist or anything).  Forget that umbrellas are virtually useless in a hurricane and remember the overall message of the song, "Now that it's raining more than ever, know that we'll still have each other."  That's right, Park Slope.  We are a COMMUNITY.  Remember that as I'm shoving you out of the way to get the very last bottle of water at CTown.   

6. "Singin' in the Rain" from the Singin' in the Rain Soundtrack: The iconic scene from the movie basically has Gene Kelly not caring about the rainstorm because he's so in love.  Remember that around hour 20 and you're about ready to shout "GET OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT" at your Hurricane Girlfriend ala Maya Rudolph's SNL impression of Donatella Versace.

7. "Help!" by The Beatles: Whether you're facing a crisis situation because you ran out of chips and salsa or because your windows blew in and you're trapped under your kitchen table, the request is the same: Help, I need somebody.  

8. "Gimme Shelter" by The Rolling Stones: Typically, I'm one of those dbags that would rather risk death than have to go down to the local bomb shelter and wait out the storm amongst the horrifying sights, sounds, and smells of my fellow New Yorkers, but when the storm's a-blowin' and Bloomberg says to seek shelter, I might have to heed his advice.

9. "Blowin' in the Wind" by Bob Dylan: I guess Dylan and Rihanna are tied for their survival knowledge, what with their songs about safety, umbrellas, and strong gusts of wind.  It's true, though.  You'll be sitting in your apartment, drunk.  You're out of beers, but you want more, because you're drunk and it always seems like a good idea at the time.  "It's only a little rain," you say to your Hurricane Girlfriend.  "Should I go out?" you wonder.  The answer is blowing in the wind.  Stay the fuck inside and pull out that old bottle of Midori you have in the back of your liquor cabinet.

10. "Ticket to Ride" by The Beatles: R U IN ZONE A OR B?  GTFO, SEZ BLOOMBERG.  Sorry, sometimes I like to write like I'm a headline writer for The New York Post.  Anyway, if you're in the evacuation zones and you haven't already gotten a "ticket to ride," YOU PROBABLY FUCKING SHOULD.     

11. "Firework" by Katy Perry: In the immortal words of the poet and my personal hero, Katy Perry, "After a hurricane comes a rainbow."  Something to look forward to if we survive, right? 

12. "Stuck in the Middle With You" by Bob Dylan: When you're staring down 48 hours of being stuck inside with someone, you need to be selective.  When choosing your Hurricane Girlfriend or Hurricane Boyfriend, consider the following criteria: 1). Does this person like the same movies and TV shows that I do? 2). Is this person capable of being quiet for long periods of time if you need to make that request? 3). Do you like this person enough to keep yourself from killing them when they get really really annoying?  Unfortunately, for you, if your Hurricane Boyfriend/Girlfriend is your actual girlfriend/boyfriend, you're stuck with your terrible life choices.  Look on the bright side: you could always just work on trying to conceive a Hurricane Baby.   

13. "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas: Perhaps the most solemn song you'll ever hear, "Dust in the Wind" reminds us all how insignificant we really are, especially during times of extreme tragedy.

14. "It's Raining Men" by The Weather Girls: Anddddd we end the Hurricane Playlist with everyone's favorite gay party song, "It's Raining Men."  As the rain is coming in through the ceiling of your apartment, flooding it and ruining all of your valuables, just imagine the rain is a bunch of beautiful, buff gay men instead.  They brought vodka!  They're telling you that you look fabulous even though you haven't showered in days!  They're ready to party!

See you on the other side, jerks.     

For more updates from her own personal Hurrication, follow Amanda on Twitter @AmandaWaas.

Comments

[Justin Lee]

You forgot one of the all time greats: http://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=138984517&m=139421339

[Justin Lee]

Oh, and this gem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKNF1J6wbRk