How My Friend Scored a Free, Premium Christmas Tree

After the part of Thanksgiving where we all go around the table and say what we're thankful for (being marginally employed during a recession, not having drug-resistant gonorrhea, that we didn't have to spend the holiday with our families, etc.), comes the second round of stupid tryptophan coma-infused chatter. This year, that round was titled, "Hey, are you putting up a tree this year?"

This led to a revelation: one of my friends once scored a free premium tree by hooking up with a hot Australian guy who was spending the holiday season working as a Christmas tree vendor.

At the time, my friend was living in Ft. Greene. She passed by Australian Christmas Tree Guy every day on her way to and from work, when she got off the Q Train at Atlantic Center.  He was there in the morning when she went to work. He was there in the evening when she came home. She caught his eye, apparently.  They started saying "hi" to each other as she passed.  She started lingering, ostensibly scoping out trees, but also kind of scoping out Australian Christmas Tree Guy.  Then, one day, she showed up with a male friend, to help him pick out his tree.  That's when she had her first real conversation with Australian Christmas Tree Guy, and they really seemed to hit it off.

While chatting with him, she found out the basics of life for a Christmas tree vendor.  For one thing, they really do sleep in the van, since they're pretty much selling trees 24/7.  When they need a shower, they go to the Park Slope Y.  I guess my friend felt sorry for the poor guy, who had to sleep in a van, shower at the Y and sit out in the cold all day. Returning solo the next day, she brought Australian Christmas Tree Guy some whiskey.

He asked her if she and her boyfriend liked the tree they'd picked out the day before.  She said, "Oh! He's not my boyfriend.  He's just a friend!"  I think you can see where it goes from here.  I mean, I wasn't actually there for the conversation, so this is going to be totally made up and not true, but I'd imagine it went something like this:

"Oh, so you don't have a boyfriend?"

"No. Not right now."

"Really?  Well, I get my shower break in a couple of hours.  Wanna' meet me for coffee somewhere near the YMCA on 9th Street?"

"Well, Park Slope's kinda far...  You know, my place is just a couple of blocks from here.  I've got great water pressure and really fluffy towels."

"Hm.  Well, I don't like showering alone..."

Bow-chicka-bow-baaaaaow!

Yeah.  So I don't exactly know that it went down like that, but what I do know is that in the morning, my friend woke up to find that Australian Christmas Tree Guy had bolted, before she'd even gotten up.  She was a little disappointed, but not exactly surprised.  Then her doorbell rang.  It was Australian Christmas Tree Guy, who'd come back with coffee, as well as the nicest tree on the lot!

He helped her put up her new tree, and then they made sweet love all over again.

The torrid affair didn't last all that long, but interestingly, they've stayed friends.  He's back in Australia now, and hasn't worked subsequent Christmases in Brooklyn.  But in the course of their friendship, my friend totally got the skinny on the Christmas Tree racket in Brooklyn.

For one thing, all of the lots are operated by the same guy.  They truck in a bunch of trees, and they move them around from lot to lot, depending on which locations are doing best in sales.  Prices are totally negotiable, FYI.  The lot in Carol Gardens/Cobble Hill moves more trees than any other neighborhood, maybe because the Italian Catholic families are willing to pay premium coin for a good tree.  Park Slope has a pretty busy tree lot, but Ft. Greene is a lot slower.  And the women who work at the Christmas tree lot usually sell more trees than the guys do, so they try to hire as many women to sell trees as they can find.

You'll probably be paying more at the front end of the season, particularly in a high-volume neighborhood. If you can hold out a little longer for a tree, you're likely to get a better discount. But play your cards right and flirt a little bit, and, you just might be able to score a primo tree, as well as a little holiday romance, all for a fifth of Jim Beam.