Happy 12th Anniversary, The Gate—Now Suck It

Saturday, May 23rd, marked Fifth Avenue's mainstay, The Gate's 12th anniversary. The Gate, known for it's huge beer selection and prime outdoor patio, is a nice enough bar with good ambiance and decent music.

But here's the deal: I am sick and fucking tired of its beer snob bartenders.

I will be the first to admit that I'm not well-versed in the art of beer, and I know that some people take it very seriously. But goddamn, if a bar doesn't have Stella or Heineken, I am out of ideas.

And I would hope that as a nice bartender, if I ask you for a Stella and you don't have it (FOR EXAMPLE), you could, I dunno...suggest a comparable one?! I mean, if you LOVE beer so fucking much, don't you think you'd want to introduce a poor, dumb girl (i.e. me, in this scenario) to a more high-brow selection of brew?

The conversation could go something like this:

Me: Hey, do you have a beer that doesn't sound scary and weird?
You: You're a dumbass for trying to come up in here, but how about a Heffewienerschnitzelbrau? It tastes kind of like Stella, except it's infused with the nectar of the Gods and that's why I can be so self-righteous about it.
Me: Oh, awesome, let me have that!
You: Great, enjoy!

Yeah, not so much. The bartender blew me off (even though they weren't that busy), and suggested that I read the chalk board menu. You know...the one written in tiny, tiny letters, partially obscured by their anniversary balloons in dim lighting? Yeah, that one.

Happy anniversary, d-bags. I'm heading to Bar Reis.