Fucked in Brooklyn: High Murder and Theft Rates

Image via beautifulswearwords.com

According to DNAinfo.com’s recent Crime and Safety report, Brooklyn saw a shit ton more crime than safety this year. Not only does our precious borough contain the five neighborhoods with the highest number of murders per-capita for all of New York City, but East New York has seen a 94% INCREASE IN MURDERS since 2008! Sorry for yelling, but dude... it’s KIND OF a big deal.

Despite this year's overall decrease in major crime (down 4.8%), Park Slope ain’t all it’s cracked up to be when it comes to Grand Larceny (felony level theft, usually over $1,000), which the slope has seen a 6% increase of since 2009. As far as rapes and murders, you can take a look at the link to dnainfo.com and say, “Oh, well, we’ve only had ONE measly murder and a mere five rapes this year. That’s not too shabby compared to the 20 murders and 23 rapes in Prospect Heights.” I would then call you a jackass and explain to you that a raping every couple months in our hood isn’t a good amount of rapings. How about no rapings? Can we shoot for no rapings?

Also, the fact that we are surrounded by several neighborhoods with wayyy worse statistics than us is also really bad because they’re right there, ready to be all rapey and murdery and shit. There’s no great wall or barbed wire fence protecting us from crime in East Flatbush (31 rapes/26 murders), Prospect Lefferts Gardens (13 rapes/10 murders), Midwood/Ditmas Park (24 rapes/7 murders), Windsor Terrace/Sunset Park (20 rapes/7 murders), Fort Greene/Clinton Hill (8 rapes/6 murders)…OK, you get the idea -- that shit’s too close for comfort.

Hide ya kids, Hide ya wife! [Editor's Note: Oh Jess, what a delightfully dated reference.]