FOUND @ 8TH & GARFIELD: GAY CHILD'S HAT
Benjamin | Monday, March 23, 2009 at 9:20AM 
Whenever I see a child's hat or glove strewn onto the sidewalk in Park Slope, I LEAVE IT. It's easy to stifle my human instinct to try and return it to its owner: all I have to do is remember that the last person who tried to do this ended up villainized on the cover of New York Magazine.
The only surefire way to avoid the PC witch-hunt that ensues from publicly describing a child's hat is to stay out of the game altogether. Like my old Jewish grandmother used to say, "No gender-non-neutral assumption-based deed goes unpunished."
Yesterday however, I finally found a lost article of clothing that will allow me to be a good citizen. Regardless of the gender of the kid who lost it on 8th avenue, the hat pictured above lends itself to an easy, clear-cut description: It obviously belongs to a gay child.
If this cowboy hat belongs to a boy, that boy is obviously gay - the hat has a sequin tiara on it. Even the most unsexed politically correct stalkers among you can't deny that.
If this cowboy hat belongs to a girl, she's dead butch; I mean, this is no sassy Jessica Simpson or Madonna pink novelty cowboy hat - This is a black ten gallon number like you'd see John Wayne wear, minus the sequins which he'd never wear in public. It's obvious that any little girl wearing this hat is about 20 years away from being a WNBA season ticket holder, IF you know what I mean.
Not that there's anything wrong with that!
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Reader Comments (8)
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha classic!
Its from Purim.
File the hat thing in NY Mag under "What happens when parents need to prove they're still smart and not superfluous to the going on of culture."
sigh, this brings back memories
forwarding to park slope parents
Thanks for opening old wounds. How about some lemon juice to add to the pain?
It was a dark time in PSP History and they've come a long way since those day. Yes we parents can take a joke (see, for example, the classic SWINGERS post <http://www.parkslopeparents.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=217&Itemid=562> but not one so close to home.
I think you owe Park Slope Parents an apology.
See, Benjamin, I believe you have this one wrong. Yes, it is the type of hat that a girl would wear; it's a girll's hat. But it's not dyke-y at all. Sorry, I'm just sayin'. This is America.
The hat looked too familiar. It's the kind of hat my next door neighbor's kid would wear. It's pageant-y. American men named "Billy" and "Wilber" find this hat to be acceptable.
Look here.
So I looked on the interwebs for these types of hats and got all stuck in the JonBenet Ramsey images. Oy! I blame you for sending me there.
Little girls wearing this hat is about 20 years away from being (NSFW) this.
BUT...how did you find it in the Slope?
I agree. This hat is not butch. This is very JonBenet/young hooker fashion.