Former Park Slope Kid Will Shoot For His Supper

Image via iamachild.wordpress.comFormer Park Slope mom, now upstate New Yorker, Larissa Phillips likes her food locally sourced, as in it’s a neighborhood deer that her 14-year-old son shot. He just got his hunting license. Bang! Dinner is served. You probably just hit speed dial to order your family’s dinner. Lazy!

She cleverly titled a recent piece in Motherlode, The New York Times parenting blog, “A Park Slope Mom Raises A Hunter.” The title of the article is intriguing but, just for fun, let’s see if we can fill in “Hunter,” the last word of the title, with an equally startling noun:

Park Slope Mom Raises A _____.

1)    Republican

2)    Litterbug

3)    Professional Football Player

See? It’s a fun game. Now, let’s get back to the article in question, “A Park Slope Mom Raises A Hunter.”

First of all, this chick is no longer a Park Slope mom and it doesn’t seem like the kid has shot any animals yet. He’s just gearing up for the big bang with a hunting trip next month. All of the writer’s past shame of guns seems to have come from her brief time in our little ‘hood, as she notes:

One of the few things we mamas agreed on was this: no gun play. Water guns in Park Slope came in the shape of dolphins. There were no cap guns or BB guns or pistol-and-holster sets anywhere north of 15th Street or west of Prospect Park.

Well, I don’t know what kind of pussy moms this Larissa chick was hanging out with when she was doing her time in Slope-land but my kids, and pretty much all of their buddies, have Nerf Super Soakers, not some wussy marine mammal shaped gun.

Apparently she is afraid to tell her remaining Park Slope friends that her son now has a hunting license and she is psyched for him to kill some deer and fill her freezer with venison. Well Larissa, easy solution, don’t tell them. Withholding information is how I get through life. If these are the same people that deprived their children of proper water guns, they couldn’t handle your 180 degree turn around. Just invite them over for a locavore meal with your family and they’ll barely notice the blood on your teenage son’s shirt.

So, when do you Park Slope breeders anticipate getting your kid his or her first rifle? If you eat meat, do you hunt it yourself with your kids or let Fleisher’s do the dirty work for you?