FIPS GETS FUCKED: A PICTORIAL RETROSPECTIVE

I firmly believe that everything in life happens for a reason, and so when my site got jacked for 36 hours and turned into a parked porn domain, I decided that the universe was sending me a message and that that message was: LOOK AT PORN.

Never one to let an opportunity pass me by, I clicked...and I clicked HARD. And, wozers, I found some seriously interesting shit. If you wanna come on this porny journey with me, click read more, but be aware that if you do, YOU WILL SEE PORN.

My first stop on the "all porn all the time" train was the Gay Porn tab. I don't know much about it, so I figured, what the hell! Sounds like funz! The first link on the list was for a site called DickDorm.com, and that sounded rather amusing. Then I got to the front page, and it SO WAS!

Not sure how clearly you can see, but those are a bunch of bros givin each other bj's! You know, while wearin baseball caps and slappin each other's asses' with a fraternity paddle. And also, they high-five a lot, cause given beej is FUUUUUNNNN! BRO!

Next I ventured over to Fling.com.

Allegedly this is the place to meet the hottest girls...and they're IN BROOKLYN. There's one, for ex. with fake titties worse than Heidi Montag. Eh. At that point, I was considering just heading straight back to dickdorm.com, but wait...

Not before I check out the "Facebook of Fucking!"

Actually, sorry, it's the "Facebook of Sex"...though, quite honestly I think the Facebook of Fucking has a much better ring to it, but wtf do I know? This one looked like the lamest one of them all, mostly b/c I really can't stand pics of chicks smiling as they pose with dildos as if they are sitting there with their child bouncing on their lap...it's weird. Like they don't look sexy, they look totally normal, and then that I think just makes it not look sexy. I think that photo would be way sexier if they were all eating ice cream or something...then they could be pretending to be normal, while ACTUALLY being naughty...that's sexy.

Anyway, that's when Modern Family came on and I just gave up on this whole porn mission.

FIPS GETS FUCKED, NEVER FORGET.