FIPS Genius Award to Creator of "Lulu's Anal Bleaching For Kids" Wifi

In case you missed it, on Friday, Gawker broke the most amazing story about a wifi network in the vicinity of Lulu's Cuts and Toys on Fifth Avenue in Park Slope. Some kindred spirit of FIPS out there named their wifi "Lulu's Anal Bleaching for Kids." Ohhhh, man, I am STILL laughing my ass off just thinking about it. So, one day, the owner of Lulu's Cuts and Toys was sitting in her office working on her computer when she noticed this hilariously named wifi network poking fun at her salon. Naturally, she took to the local listerv and posted of her dismay:

PLEASE HELP! 
Unfortunately someone near by has named their WiFi a really awful name referring to my shops, "LuLu's Anal Bleaching for Kids". I've tried calling Time Warner and Verizon and they can't seem to help. I have reached out to the 78th Precinct and my lawyer, but they can't help either because I don't know who it is. You can see the Network from both of my establishments, you can see it on your smart phone from my stores, my house, or standing in front of 417 & 426 Bergen Street as well as across the street. This is really disturbing and I'm lost to what to do without knowing who it is. Any other ideas on how to handle this? 
Brigitte

The story got picked up by the Daily News, OF COURSE, which referred to the wifi name as "X-Rated," and where Brigitte went so far as to describe this as "borderline pedophilia." SERIOUSLY? Come on. Do you really think anybody who sees that when their phone asks them if they want to connect is going to go, "Holy shit, these Park Slope parents are insane! What next? Baby bikini waxes?" No. Because nobody is going to think you are actually bleaching toddler assholes in your back room. 

The fact is, spending any kind of time in a kiddie hair salon is akin to the 7^th circle of hell. You know why they have special kiddie salons? Because most toddlers are, in fact, assholes when they get a haircut, so the whole concept of the kiddie salon is to distract the kids as much as possible. Do you want to sit in the firetruck or on the motorcycle? Do you want to watch Thomas or Toy Story? Here, suck on a lollipop, and don’t mind all the hair that will get stuck to it as soon as this nice stranger-lady starts cutting your hair...with really sharp scissors. Don’t forget to look at all the toys and make your mom buy something before you leave! Even if your own kid is fine getting a haircut, there will be at least one kid at the salon/toy store (it's always a combo) having a total fucking meltdown. 

I can't tell you how happy it makes me to be out of that phase of parenthood. Which is why a wifi network called Lulu's Anal Bleaching for Kids is FUCKING HILARIOUS. My time served taking my kids to those salons felt like anal bleaching. I mean, not that I know from personal experience, but I assume anal bleaching must make you feel exposed and awful and miserable, slightly desperate, but hoping that this part of you will come out looking better when it's over.

So, Bridge, lighten up, girlfriend! It's all in good fun. Thank you for being there for all of us when our kids are at their worst. Nobody is laughing at you, we are all laughing at ourselves. And to the brilliant, genius, hilarious person behind all of this, want to come write for FIPS?