FIPS CARES: WANNABE PSLOPE BALLER?

Can we talk about why I stay finding myself down in general vicinity of Park Slope but am not even close to being a resident?

I live in Dyker Heights which, geographically, is basically the ingrown hair turned pimple that sits right on the bottom of the ass cheek that is Bay Ridge. The only thing that this neighborhood has going for it is the elaborate (and ridiculous) Christmas lights extravaganza every December. There is absolutely nothing going on here the other 345 days of the year.  I’m serious, people. In the 10 block radius around my home I have about 15 bodegas, a couple of sub-par supermarkets and at least a dozen hair salons yet there is not ONE decent fucking bar or social hole for a single straight woman in her early 30’s to have a drink or just chill out without being hit on by Mariooch and his accompanying shiny chest hairs. Eww.

Bay Ridge is close to me – so every now and then I’ll fly over there for a drink or a bite but for the most part it sucks ass there, too. I’m over the whole Ayo Jo-Ey mentality and believe you me, it is very alive in Bay Ridge. I entirely admit to trying to find myself in the Park Slope area as regularly as possible. I look for events – bars, new restaurants, outdoor things – and lately, an affordable rent comparable to the $850 I’m currently paying for a single occupancy apartment in the one-bedroom world. And, now you know why I moved to Dyker in the first place.

I really miss an affordable Brooklyn!!

Anyway, the one thing that I really do enjoy about the Slope is that there seems to be a fair mix of artistic and professional people free flowing around. You know, like people who actually have jobs and don’t think that their living in an artist commune and purposely looking like a junkie is cool. Fuck Williamsburg.  I also love that there are a lot of dogs – but that probably doesn’t fit into this thought cluster?

So – here’s my thoughts on the wannabe-Parkslopian tip. Since you’re all out and about in the hood every day and I’m only able to see snippets of places that look cool when I’m passing through, I need some suggestions.  Tell me where to go and what to do so that I can meet some new folks and get out more to enjoy the area. I’m looking for less-smug, more-chill. If you rolled your eyes at the previous sentence then I probably don’t want your suggestions.

About me: 31, heavily accented Brooklyn native, loves hiphop, Breeder status: Negative (will eventually, hopefully, be a Br-aller though), hates pretentious twats who think their shit don’t stink –and basically needs to get out more and stop over using the internet as a means to do that.

Be nice and welcome, Kitty. She blogs here and may write about some shit HERE.