Does This Kate Spade Bag Look Park Slope-ish?

Cause Kate Spade thinks it does.

It's called the "Park Slope Brennan," and here's how they describe this shit:

Manhattanites ogle from across the river at Brooklyn's Park Slope neighborhood, where tree lined streets and brownstones mix with artisanal eateries and boutiques. Meticulously crafted in vibrant smooth cowhide, this breezy hobo style is easy-to-wear and deceptively roomy, to make everything from your phone and keys to your vintage lomo camera snug and stylish. Noel jacquard lining adds a final luxe flourish.

Wow.

This has actually never happened before, but I think Kate Spade just left me speechless.

In fairness to the Brennan, there are also neighborhood purse reps for Brooklyn Heights ("Queen Ann Brownsontes"?--uhm, its Anne and what's a Queen Anne Brownstone?), and Boerum Hill ("Brooklyn's most sought after neighborhood"? Really!? Curbed beter get on that shit), and the poor temp copywriter hired to trick out the Kate Spade website, pretty much fucked em all up.

But you bitches in Boerum Hill and Brooklyn Heights can work that out for yourselves...I'm staying local.

Ok, let's break this Brennan shit down:

• First of all, this purse is boring and plain looking. True the same argument can be made for almost any Kate Spade purse, but I'm going to give em a +1 anyway since I'm guessing that "plain-n-boring" is a shoutout to us all us white, rich folks who's asses are responsible for the gentrification of this fine ass neighborhood. +1
• Price - this thing *did* cost $275, but is now on sale for $193. So like much of the Park Slope real estate market: shit is STILL overpriced. +1
  
• Cowhide--hmmm. With the largest and most active Food Coop in the country, I'm gonna give this one a negative score. That shit is not very sensitive to all the vegan, vegetarian, hippie, coopretard bretheren in our mix. -1
• "Hobo" style? Hobos are homeless people, right? (sorry--I'm white-n-rich, so I don't know much about em). Anyway. Yeah, I don't think Hobo is a good fit either as there are like 2 homeless people in all of Park Slope, and they both have really nice shoes. And that crazy lady who yells a lot, I think is just crazy, so she doesn't even count. And Opera Man also is not homeless. So, yeah, I don't really think the "hobo" style is very representative of Park Slope. -1
• "Deceptively roomy" *is* a nice shoutout to the brownstone lifestyle. i.e. "my house may look skinny and narrow, but I've got 4 floors, a basement level AND a back yard" BOOM!. Ok, so +1.
• "Vintage Lomo" - I've got to say, I think this one really misses the Park Slope mark. I'm guessing there are way more Lomos in Williamsburg and/or Dumbo than there are in Park Slope--vintage especially. Cause that would mean that someone would need to be cool enough to a. know that Lomo cameras rock. b. Not want one of those new, nicely packaged ones that they sell at Urban Outfitters-n-shit, but take the time to seek out an old one on ebay or craigslist. That sort of hipster dedication is about as common in Park Slope as...hobos. -2

Sorry, Kate Spade: that leaves your ass with a negative 1. And I think we can basically translate this final score in the following manner: that bag is ugly as shit, AND does not at all represent Park Slope.

Sorry for the interruption folks--now everyone can get back to buying all sorts of cool crap that *does* represent Park Slope and all of the annoying people in it, because there are only FOUR DAYS LEFT BEFORE CHRISTMAS! Hurry up, Jesus lovers...time is running out.