@Burklee Carroll, a counter-offer: Shove it up your ass
Benjamin | Thursday, March 19, 2009 at 11:32PM 
After a day of back-and-forth that I'm now embarrassed about, Erica and I have decided to publish the following letter.
"Burklee Carroll," let me say just this: you are batshit insane and need medical attention. If you are serious about your threats, do your fucking worst - let's see how your "lawyer" feels about you blackmailing us.
Seriously; shove it up your ass.
from xxxxx@xxxxx.com
to effedinparksloxx@gmail.com
date Wed, Mar 18, 2009 at 8:41 PM
subject Attn: Please Read
mailed-by gmail.com
Dear Erica and Benjamin of Web site F**ked In Park Slope dot com:
I have refrained from contacting you, Benjamin, and to a lesser degree Erica, for many weeks, but recent events have forced me to stop biting my tongue and send you this letter. Be warned that this is a demand for particular actions and that this letter is being copied to important people who could make things very difficult for you and your on-line enterprise.
As I am CERTAIN you know, I have only posted ONE comment to your site, under my name, Burklee Carroll, ever! That one comment spoke out against your disgusting, and authentically unfunny, posting comparing a serious Food Co-op issue to the Holocaust! I had believed that this was a safe and welcome thing for me to do as the comment sections of other Web sites where I have posted have been welcoming, informative, and intelligently engaging. Shame!
Since then, I've witnessed THE LITERAL HIJACKING OF MY NAME that has been used to post ridiculous comments AGAIN AND AGAIN in an attempt to make me look foolish, reactionary, paranoid, and uninformed. At first, I could care less, but I have REASON TO BELIEVE that it is not your audience members who have stolen my identity but the CONTRIBUTORS OF YOUR SITE who have been engaging in these actions.
I have two very big problems, Erica.
1) My identity is being used in a manner that is having an impact on my life. I need you to verify the identities of your commenters so that MY NAME isn't ILLEGALLY used and you need to REMOVE all posts that are not posted by me.
2) I want to clear the air on what I really feel and believe.
What do I care about, and what do I have to take action on with your Web site is the HATE, the RACISM, and the SEXISM that you continue to inflict upon this community, my community, OUR COMMUNITY.
Yesterday was the last straw - you are ILLEGALLY USING MY NAME to encourage the objectification of women who are at a point too vulnerable or addled to be able to know any better. These girls taking their clothes off - ILLEGALLY - are undoubtedly in their early 20's and don't know any better - many of them are probably on drugs or alcohol and do not have university degrees. I believe and the RESEARCH demonstrates that these women will regret these decisions later in life, and YOU are encouraging men to go objectify them and make their situation more painful. If even one of these girls ends up as a prostitute, you will HAVE THAT ON YOUR HANDS! Can you really live with yourselves if that happens? And worst of all, you are USING MY NAME TO PROMOTE SUCH DEBASING DECISION MAKING!
Whether you have a conscience or not, BENJAMIN, I WILL be attempting to organize a community effort to put a stop to what your doing. I will be mentioning this at the April PSFC coop meeting and to my co-workers on Friday. If you cannot stop your behavior, I will stop it for you.
Your comments about "stippers" may LEGAL, but it is not RIGHT. You are NOT anonymous. I WILL expose you and your hate mongering / sexism / racism. And you DEFINITELY CANNOT USE MY NAME AS SUBSCRIBER TO THE DEBASING OF GIRLS AND WOMEN. THAT, I'VE BEEN ADVISED IS ILLEGAL!
If you want to avoid a legal and moral confrontation on this, you need to do 3 things:
1) Take down today's post promoting the illegal and immoral objectification of women
2) STOP posting material of racially hateful or sexist orientation
3) Make it impossible for people to use my name in your Web site. Look at this:
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22burkelee+carroll%22&hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&hs=Fte&num=50&filter=0
I "Google" my name and all I get is garbage! Lies and garbage! The
ILLEGAL USE OF MY NAME AND LIES AND GARBAGE!! You need to remove all "fake" Burkelee Carroll posts IMMEDIATELY!
Do the right thing here. I do realize that you have a disclaimer: "F.I.P.S. is a work of Parody and Satire - Nothing on this site should be taken seriously in any way. It's one big, poorly-written joke." I "get" this. I have humor in my life too but it doesn't protect you from ILLEGAL BEHAVIORS. But I also know you are PEOPLE and I don't want to mess up your lives, BUT I WILL DO JUST THAT TO STOP THE HATE that you are inflicting onto Park Slope on a daily basis.
Also: If you post ANY part of this email to your site, I'll assume you are not interested in listening to reason, and I won't contact you again until it's through a lawyer.
Do the right thing.
-->
Reader Comments (19)
Just kidding, I love you guys!
Not to be a weasel, but I think it's a mistake to publish this. This guy is obviously nuts, and in my experience it's never a good idea to poke this kind of charcter.
Just sayin
This guy totally sounds nuttier than a fruitcake... either that or he's one of your friends playing a joke on you. It's almost too well written and thought out to be a trully insane person.
Named Burklee Carroll and lives in Park Slope? Next you're going to tell me that Breeder is his next door neighbor, amirite?
Though part of me wants him to be real and to please god bring this up at a PSFC general meeting -- then maybe I wouldn't fall asleep in the middle of the meeting!
I don't think Burklee Carroll is a real person - nobody can be this douchey.
I think BC a fictional creation of the FIPS crew used to generate traffic and commentary. If this is the case...brilliant work!
I agree with Mr.Ius. This whole thing sounds strangely similar to the altercation on Blognigger last year: http://www.blognigger.com/2008/08/tell-blognigger-you-will-be-sorry.html
wait, aren't you guys avid readers of Blognigger? Then you know how much traffic on his website increased as a result of this altercation..hmm..
Here's the problem with this guy: he's the type who will push this and push this and push this just for some sort of moral satisfaction.
He's crazy as hell but seems serious that he'd "pursue" this is some fashion.
The balls to actually publish his letter, i hope you are an LLC, you know, for protection and all.
Nah, there's no need for "protection" - other than from Mr. Nuttee. Speaks wonders about the co-op, doesn't it...
That letter is awesome. Now delete it. People like this will fixate and just be a PITA.
FWIW, I've always found it amusing that Burklee shares a last name with one of PS's better-known thoroughfares. This is what sparked my pseudonym theory.
Mr lus, ya sweetheart / dumbass, he shares both names with the school Berkeley Carroll.
A-HA! Even better! I don't have any kids so I don't know very much about the schools in the area.
I don't know what to think, yo.
On one hand this guy sounds serious; on the other? Nuts.
What's the worst he could do?
For someone who works at the co-op, I thought Burkelee Caroll would be a lot thinner. Not the most flattering picture of him.
Uh, if it's real it's an amazing coincidence that his name so closely resembles that of a popular learning institution in Park slope. Although this dipshit could mean that you are libeling his/her screen name, which, if that is the case, is fucking insane. I think it's total bullshit, myself. But if it doesn't turn out to be: you have nothing to worry about. Any ACLU lawyer in the world would love to make this a pet project.
I think I know this guy (not not the pic or even the handle, Burkelee Carroll), but the tone of the cease-&-desist sounds a LOT like this loudmouth know-it-all at the co-op.
But I don't any part of his self-serving sanctimony. Some people make trouble because of their deeply personal issues.
http://www.eff.org/issues/bloggers/legal/liability/IP
I LOVE IT! (Burklee Carroll, the real one - I'm a lawyer, call me!) hahahahahahahahahaha
I do have to wonder whether you can trademark a screen name.
Burkelee Carroll sez:
HAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS!
Wait, what does that food coop threat mean? Will FIPS fans be banned from the PSFC soon? Or will some malnourished vegan whore chase me down 7th Ave with a head of lettuce if I show up in a FIPS t-shirt (BTW, we need to get on that shit)? Well, fuck me with that dollar bill and call me Burklee. Burklee Carroll. Nice to meet you.