BREEDER vs. BALLER: OCTOMOM
Effed in Park Slope | Thursday, February 12, 2009 at 6:15AM 
Each week we will attempt to bring you the unbiased, unedited points-of-view of a bonafide, ginuwine Park Slope Breeder (mom/dad) and a real deal, smokin, sexin, drinkin Park Slope Baller (child free-n-lovin it) on a variety of topics. Identities will remain anonymous, of course, to protect the soon-to-be lynched.
BALLER:
Octomom makes me want to fucking barf.
But you know what makes me want to barf more? The fact that all you motherfuckers are now sitting around judging this crazy ass woman for doing the SAME exact bullshit that all you other BREEDERS do every day of the week and twice on Sunday: fetishizing the notion of parenthood.
Oh, burn!
This bitch is obsessed with having kids...and being a mom. But also she's sick...and twisted...and irresponsible to have soooo many kids. Now all of this *may* in fact be true, but the bottom line is, if Octomom was tripmom (or Angelina fucking Jolie), none of us would be having this conversation. Ok, so yeah...Angelina does have a job...but as for the rest of it, what's the fucking difference?
Our culture has turned the act of parenting into a commercialized, self-indulgent, ego fest. Having a child is basically now the equivalent of creating your own personal brand out in the world. Who are you? What should I know about you? Don't answer that, lemme just look at the Netto furniture in your nursery or the fact that you pick Jr. up at his Montessori school. What's that? You only use organic cleaning products and take all your kids for French lessons twice a week? Totally. Fucking. Presh.
Look, I don't give a shit that you're all completley obsessed with yourselves and your own children...I'm obsessed with myself too. But let's call a spade a motherfucking spade. Octomom is so controversh right now because she's hitting a nerve. Yes this woman is a moron; yes she needs a friggin job; yes she had way too many kids...but is she really all THAT different from you?
My guess is: fuck no.
BREEDER:
Yer really reachin on this one, BALLER.
Mind you, i know I'm wasting my breath since statistical analysis shows that only smug baller-types read this website - I don't think that anyone mature enough to be a parent can put up with its gawkersnark for very long. Notwithstanding, I do suspect that this time, you've overdone it and miscalculated.
OctoMom and ParkSlopeMom: Not that different? Your defensive, self-conscious moral relativism is starting to sound like Ralph Nader at a Why I Matter conference.
OctoCunt is fucking insane. The reason I put the Separated at Birth w. Angelina Jolie picture up there is to illustrate the degree of her insanity: OctoMom has gone Single White Female for Brad Pitt's wife, having plastic surgery to look like her, and now queefing out 100 kids to imitate her even further.
Unfortunately, she blew the Angelina Jolie replication on one key concept: Adoption.
I have to laughcry when you say "what's the fucking difference" between Angelina Jolie and OctoMom- I'm not here to defend Brangelina's kid-having eccentricity, but bitch plz.
Angelina is wealthy, and can afford to give her kids a life of supreme luxury. OctoMom is on welfare, and with 14 kids to compete for the taxpayer teet, she can't afford to give them shit but a guest appearance on Jerry Springer.
It's like the difference between winning the lottery and winning herpes.
But hey, they're both winning something, so is there really that much of a difference?
Yes, there's a big fucking difference.
Breeder vs. Baller 
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Reader Comments (3)
Breeder: do you even READ these things??
Unshockingly, yet again you've missed the entire fucking point. Baller isn't saying this octomom is the same as Angelina Jolie...like not even at all. They're saying that the act of fetishizing children/kids/babies/being parents is the same thing. And with Angelina Jolie its celebrated...with moms of twins its celebrated...triplets too..but then there seems to be some sort of invisible cutoff. And its all bullshit.
Octomom has taken things way further (and is def a crazy bitch), but its the hypocrisy of turning this woman into a monster when there are loads of people just like her (espesh in Park Slope) with the same EXACT baby fever (most people just happen to have less of a case of it).
OK, the photos above have me laughing so hard I just spit my maite tea all over the keyboard, thx fips! I kinda agree with Breeder on this one that AJ is different from Octo-mom because of the $$$$, BUT AJ is still a fucking mentalist, porking out 3 of her own when she pretends to care about the environment, and world issues. Over POPULATION IS A REALITY BIATCH!
On all the other points I am with baller ( maybe because I AM a baller), Parenthood had become the new Prada handbag, and children are the ultimate status symbol. That is just gross, and stupid in my book.
omg how can you NOT show the before picture before she had the surgery. she's on welfare and got a new nose and lips? i make a good living and can't afford that.