BK HOLIDAY MEATUP: Just The Facts

Ok, so our FIPS/Brooklyn Based Naughty Office Party Holiday Meatup is fast approaching (12/9 at the Bell House), and if you don't already have a ticket, you're pretty much out of your fucking mind.

If you are even a litle bit single-n-ready-to-mingle, you CANNOT miss this event. At our last Meatup in September we had over 600 hotties movin and groovin the night away. Translation: aside from ordering yourself a hooker, you'll have no greater shot in the next 14 days of getting yourself laid.

We've had a few questions trickling in, so I thought this would be a great opp to clear em all up:

I went to the last Meatup and didn't end up hooking up with anyone...how do I know that I'll meet someone this time around?

Studies have shown time and time again that the more Meatups you attend, the more likely you are to get action. In fact 9 out of 10 single Brooklynites who attended one Meatup without getting laid, allllll got action the second time around. Is it worth shelling out $10 for a potential bathroom BJ?...you decide.

Yeah, but I still want more of a guarantee...

Jayzus Christmas, people. OK here's what we're going to do: If you pre-purchase your ticket (which you should totally do anyway, because it's $10 ahead of time and $15 at the door), upon arrival you will receive an envelope with the name of your ideal match for the evening. What you choose to do with this information is totally up to you, but rest assured that we have arrived at this match through a carefully calculated mathematical algorithm that's taken into account:

• your name
• their name
• how cool or not cool your names sound together
• other stuff

If you feel like tracking down your ideal match throughout the evening by talking to people, introducing yourself, finding the roving matchmakers in the room, etc, that would be rad and make us very happy. Cause we really DO want to hook as many of your asses up as we can. Or if you want to just stand in the corner again talking to your friend who you dragged from work, not meeting anyone and complaining the whole time, that's cool too. Either way we still have your money so its a win/win for us.

Will there be another wet t-shirt contest?

No...its too cold for that shit right now. But rest assured we'll be bringing that idea back again at some point in our Meatup future.

WTF is the Home Base Supply Company?

Home Base Supply Co. (We make it easy to score!©) is a fictional company that we made up to go along with our naughty office party theme (cute, right?). Yes, I know that you have a real fucking job, but I'm guessing that at your REAL holiday office party, you won't be able to do any of the shit that's gonna go down at the Bell House without getting fired, suspended, or made fun of on Facebook for months and months to come. So for one glorious, debaucherous night, we're all gonna pretend that we're in the employ of Home Base (and, yes!--you're gonna be trying to GET to home base too. Trippy, right??).

What kind of other shit will there be to do at this Naughty Office Party?

Well, let's see...there will be:

• Holiday Card Photos - Shootbooth is going to be there to take your photos with sexy Santas (hot farmers Michael Grady Robertson of Queens County Farm, Annie Novak and Ben Flanner of Rooftop Farms, plus hot Meat Hook butcher, Ben Turley). Maybe they can even help you grow a pair?
• Busch (beer)...and lots of real bush too.
• Roving massage therapists to loosen you all up (no happy endings...unless you pay for that separately). KIDDING PEOPLE....T-O-T-A-L-L-Y KIDDING.
• We want to throw a hot dog down your hall...an Asiadog! Seriously, people...have you tried these things?? They're insanely fucking delcious. Also if you find someone you like and buy em an Asiadog, they'll be much more likely to put out later.
• If you're poor (and/or cheap), there will be free Chivas scotch from 7-8 pm.
• Naughty photocopies - have you sent one in? You can anonymously fax in your PG-13 rated photocopies to us at 646-964-6540 and we'll put em all up in a gallery display on the big night (DON'T BE A PUSSY: FAX IN YOUR PHOTOCOPIES!).
• A hot DJ: Jonny Con Carne.
• The hilarious Sara Schaefer will be back for an "Employee Awards Ceremony" that none of your asses will soon forget.
• Lots of other shit that we haven't figured out yet don't want to ruin the surprise of.

Can you come to the Meatup if you're married?

Sure! It will be a great place to find someone to cheat with have fun, eat hot dogs and let loose.

Can FIPS personally hook me up if I come to the Meatup?

Probably. I know lots of hot bitches-n-bros and they're all gonna be there. Just find me that night, compliment me on either my outfit or my "groundbreaking" blog, and I'll see if I can make some magic happen for you.

Wow, do you actually believe in magic?

Yes bitches...yes I do.

Does that about cover it? If you've got a burning question and I missed it, hit me up in the comments.

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Have a crazy story from the first Meatup? Leave it below in the comments.

Ok, that is all.