BALLERS AS Parenting Gurus?

In the wake of my little Park Slope Parents kerfuffle, all I have left for my predatory journalistic trolling is you losers.

So, I was thinking: with all the unsolicited parenting advice you BALLER know-it-alls like to dole out, I’d see what actual discipline tips you have for the put-upon BREEDERS of our noble nabe.

I know how you feel about the baby barfly issue...and the gigantic SUV strollers.

But what, as impartial observers and adult children, can you advise us on when it comes to raising the people who will be running the planet when you get too old to do it yourself. It’s in our common interest to raise them right, right?

So, I asked Erica to go first (and frankly, she should get a book deal because she knows her shit):

Look, I'm the parent of a dog, so clearly I know nothing about nothing. But for me, I'm most struck by how parents (particularly in our neighborhood) seem to be afraid to just say a loud firm NO to their kids? (and even if they do, that "no' often seems to mean nothing). Instead there is this "no dance" scenario they undertake where they try to reason, and illustrate, and kindly point out why their kid should "really really try to use their words instead of setting that bush in the park on fire."

My parents had me when they were 21. They were hippies and knew zero about how the hell to raise a nosy, loud precocious kid. And yet, I was taught to respect adults, behave in public and always, always say please and thank you. Honestly, my mom (who was not at all strict) could merely give me a look and I would back right down from whatever attempt at misbehaving I was about to undertake.

NO meant no, and I didn't dare test the boundaries of that.

When we went to a restaurant, I would sit at the table with my coloring book, and pretty much not say a peep. I learned how to have fun all by myself, and that behaving would usually result in ice cream or some other "thank you for not fucking up our whole meal" treat. The idea of throwing a tantrum would never even so much as enter my brain. So yeah, 'NO' will not eff up your kid's creative expression or stunt their growth if you crack down on that shit (I still got myself a full scholarship to college, people). No means NO...try it sometime.

*Also, I actually think that all parents should read Cesar Millan's book--the Dog Whisperer. That dude has a lot of ideas for training your dogs that would work just as well for misbehaving kids...

Okay, have at it BALLERS!--now its your turn. Tell me how all us BREEDERS could be doing it better.