ATTN BREEDERS: WHAT TO EXPECT TO BE TURNED INTO MOVIE

What To Expect When You’re Expecting (a book about totally FUCKED UP and UNFUN times) is being turned into a feature length film by Lionsgate.

Unless you’re totally high off kale chips, you know that What to Expect is the pregnancy bible for MILFS all around us. It spawned a whole unfortunate trend of fetus to fruit and vegetable comparisons that totally RUINED food for me. Moms at Associated Market (let’s get real--Union Market) are always talking about how their babies are the size of young ripe squash while I am just trying to mind my own business and eat a crap load of bread and olive oil samples.

Anyway, unless they are turning the book into a horror movie (I mean FILM), this news makes NO FUCKING SENSE. It’s as though no one at Lionsgate has ever had a mucus plug fall out of them--peeps don't want to imagine that shit, let alone see it on the big screen

Here are a few highlights from the book so that you'll know how many barf bags you should bring to the theatre with you:

• The fluid isn’t clear--it’s greenish brown.

• I cant seem to control my urine. It just leaks out.

• I did some cocaine a week before I found out I was pregnant... (OOPSIES!)

FUCK IT, I've changed my mind. This movie is going to rule harder than an erect penis that penetrates a vagina and gets it pregnant.

(via EW)