2011 FIPS FALL SEX SURVEY RESULTS: PART 2

Get ready to rumble. Your Monday no longer sucks, because you get to read more about your neighbors' sex lives! (What, that's not how you usually cheer yourselves up on Mondays? Whatevs.) Commence the results of the 2011 FIPS Fall Sex Survey: Part 2.

This time, we're chatting singles. Here's a lil' refresher of how our singles break down: (Get more demo info from Part 1, posted last week, which you should read first; this is not choose-your-own-adventure):

Now, let's talk about your relationships--your Jewish grandmother's favorite topic this time o' year. Unsurprisingly, 68.1% of you said Park Slope is a straight-up relationship neighborhood, while a disillusioned 3.4% of you think this place is hook-up central. (Um.) 28.5% of you have no clue what to call this place.

Slopers won't be stopped by stigma from 1999--77.7% of you have been on up to five online dates in the last year,with 12.2% of you e-slutting-it-up with 10 or more. Your go-to site for online love is basically OKCupid across the board--as one respondent said, " okcupid... why pay for that sex stuff?"--with a lil' bit of love for HowAboutWe, Match and, surprisingly Craigslist: " Met my husband on Craigslist!  And no, not the 'casual encounters' sections" said one response. Six of you also seemed to think the The Coop was an online dating site, so, uh, take that as you will.

Is telling a potential hook-up that you inhabit the land of Bugaboos and Swedish espresso a good idea? 20% said it helps their chances to score; 15.7% say it's detrimental.

Before we dive into hooking up inside our fair borders, let's talk about what you think the average Park Slope single is like:

Basically, we're decently attractive, fit, glasses-wearers with emotional baggage. Sounds like 90% of my exes.

Despite 23.3% of you calling Park Slope's singles scene abysmal, 70% of you have met hotties at a bar, 48.8% at restaurants/cafes, 41.7% of you in Prospect Park and, WTF, 24.4% walking your dog or baby. Despite multiple answers, there's very little consensus as to where to meet people, though Union Hall, The Gate, Mission Dolores, Ginger's and Bar Reis might decent places to start. Our insiders dropped these pearls of wisdom:

Oh, and there are apparently "lots of sluts" at Buttermilk Channel. (Whatever pun I use here will eventually come back to haunt me, so I'm going to politely move on.)

So, what does this tell us? Exactly what we expected, I suppose. You singles are out there, and like, really want to do it with each other, but none of you seem to be in the same place, and you're all too scared to talk to each other in fear of bearing your underemployed, emotionally damaged souls. But, dammit, you're not easily tricked into blowjobs, and you put that on your OKCupid profile. I say these stats aren't terrible news for us singles--albeit a kind of twisted, let's go back to the tape, Dick, way--but perhaps the forecast for getting fucked in Park Slope isn't so dismal after all.