Monday
Dec152008
COUNTERPOINT:Bagels in the Technological Age
Posted by: 
Benjamin | Monday, December 15, 2008 at 12:35AM
Benjamin | Monday, December 15, 2008 at 12:35AM 
How New Scooping-Out, Toasting Techniques Alter The Bagelscape
While I ultimately agree with the findings of the Park Slope Bagel Off - the natural crunch of a BagelHole product is too magnificent to go unheralded - I feel compelled to offer the controversial perspective that technology brings.
When one has access to modern tools and techniques, one can actually create the perfect, albeit artificial, Park Slope Bagel experience.
Here is the algorithm:
- Purchase one Everything Bagel from La Bagel Delight
- Note its vastly superior seed 'n spice density, as well as its bold, aggressive surface area. (The combination uields up to 4x the "everything" of a BagelHole product.
- Scoop out the bagel's insides, evenly and to your liking.
- Collect the gutted dough and roll it into a dense ball of carb. Hold it up and think: "I can't believe I was gonna eat that!"
- Toast the hollowed bagel until it has the desired heat and crunch intesity.
- Spread your creamcheese of choice upon your fully personalized Bagel 2.0.
If you find that your bagel suffers from bagel-canal facilitating an artificial creamcheese concentration which is not to your liking, you'll need to work on your scooping technique to obtain greater evenness. In this case, for the time being, throw the bagel right into the trash and begin again!
Accept nothing but the best engineerable result; This is America!
tagged bagels
bagels 
-->
Reader Comments (5)
scooper pride!
This is the only way I will still eat bagels.
Sacrelig! You cannot possibly take this into account when evaluating a bagel, and i'm glad the reviewer did not.
SCOOPING OUT YOUR BAGEL? What is this 1998? You want a Tab with that? That's the gayest thing I've ever heard...
Go back to Ohio.