YOUR BEST COMMENTS: OCTOBER

Perhaps one of the most entertaining things about writing for FIPS is reading all of the passionate (read: rude, misspelled) comments from our readers.  Who knew that a topic as simple as hamburgers could result in a threats of physical violence?  Everyone is SO MAD ALL OF THE TIME.   

So, we did a round-up of the best comments from the month of October. They made us laugh, they made us cry, they made us question whether or not we should call the police, etc, etc.

Take a look!  Note that the comments were posted as-is.  We didn't fix grammar or spelling.  Normally, bad grammar makes us [sic] (see what I did there?  A NERD JOKE), but we wanted to make sure that the commenters were represented exactly how they represented themselves, caps lock, spelling errors and all!



From Illustrator Gives Accurate Portrayal to Park Slope Strollers, October 4

One of the funniest things about writing for a blog is that longtime readers and commenters think that they know you.  On this very blog, I have been called "a dumb bitch," (not true) an "asshole" (true), "self-righteous" (true), "vaguely racist" (not true), "a fucking hypocrite douchebag" (not true), a "failed carpetbaggy writer" (jury's still out, I suppose) and also, most hilariously, I have been invited by a commenter to "settle this in person."  Yes, I was asked to "take it outside" via the internet because I said I didn't like a bar that the commenter apparently liked so much that they wanted to smack me in the mouth for disparaging it.  EVERYONE CALM DOWN, IT'S JUST THE INTERNET.

So, this particular post, where Kerri wrote almost literally, "Hey guys, here is an artist who is making cute drawings depicting life in Park Slope," McFarter called her out for being insecure.  Not sure what about that threw up the "insecure girl writer" flag, but he went on to talk about being scared to grow up.  Of course, he got owned by Fowl Robin, who pointed out the hypocrisy of calling someone immature under the internet handle "McFarter." 

From Ozzy’s Owner Wants Our Sorry Asses to Name Their New Café, October 7

The owner of Ozzie's Cafe is opening a NEW cafe, right across the street from her old location, and she's running a contest to see which Brooklyn dbag will come up with the best name.  I know this idea is gimmicky to help with publicity, but it kind of smacks of the idea of having your Facebook friends decide what you should name your child.

"LOL HOW ABOUT TAYLOR F ITS A BOY & TAYLOR F ITS A GIRL?!" says one of your dumbass former high school classmates who always comment on your statuses even though you haven't spoken in 8 years.  In any event, Helibreeder came up with an apropos name for Ozzies Part Deux, "The Bad Coffee No Wireless Cafe."  Brilliant.  

From Park Slope WTF Moment of the Day, October 12

A local tipster informed us that some crazy motherfucker was found in a tree on 6th avenue, cackling maniacally and generally freaking people out.  Silly drug addict, trees are for the birds!  And I don't mean "for the birds," like how your grandmother would say things like, "The internet is for the birds!" I mean, literally, stay out of the tree, birds are supposed to be up there, not people.  The tipster also reported that after his laughing stint, Laughy McLaugherton was taken to Methodist in an ambulance.  Moronthatlater assessed the situation accurately; if you've ever gone to the ER at Methodist Hospital, you'd understand. 

From Win a Free Dinner at TALDE, October 18

Earlier last month, FIPS paired up with the folks at TALDE, a new restaurant from Top Chef favorite, Dale Talde.  After announcing that we'd be giving away free dinners to two commenters with the best advice for opening in a new restaurant in Park Slope, we got over 100 comments, some clever, some stupid, some useful, some not.  One of Dale's favorites, and one of the winning comments came from Dave, who wrote a little rhyme, appropriately skewering the Park Slope social scene.     

From My Favorite Place in Park Slope to Get a Drink After Getting Laid Off, October 21

Let's face it: Park Slope is full of bars that are great if you want to eat with your beer, if you want to act pretentiously aloof, if you want to bring your fucking newborn, etc.  There are several bars that I would go to if I was completely down on my luck (Farrell's tops the list).  In this post, we declared High Dive the best spot to go after you've been laid off, by GoGoGowanus is correct in amending the declaration.  If you've lost ALL hope, you better believe you're heading to Jackie's. 

From J. Crew Prez and Park Slope Resident Jenna Lyons Splits from Hubby, October 26

We took a time out from our typical ranting about coffee shops and strollers to take a page out of US Weekly and report that the president of J. Crew, who happens to be a Park Slope resident, has broken up with her husband to go gay.  As a homo living here who doesn't see any vestiges of the "Dyke Slope" everyone talks about, Let's Be Friends nailed it with their comment on lesbians-in-Park-Slope nostalgia.

From Park Slope Sex Survey, October 27

Ah, good old JBob and Vienna11215: our two most frequent commenters whom we can always count on for incessant commentary on how lame we are.  When we’re negative about something, we’re a bunch of cynical douchebags.  When we’re positive about something, it must be an undercover ad placement. LOL, WE LUV U GUYZ. From Cool or Not Cool?  Letting Your Dog Pee in the Street, October 31

It's always awesome to see what you people get most upset about.  Is it healthcare reform?  Is it war, famine, or disease?  Nope, it's shit like whether or not you should let your kids ride down the street on scooters, or whether you should let your dog take a piss on the street.

The latter post attracted 126 comments from the peanut gallery, two favorites are from Winston Smith, who hails from "Shitshead Bay," and South Slope, who puts it alllllllll into perspective.  Thanks, guys.