Whassup: Park It Edition

This week seems so far away during the long, be-coated months of a NYC winter, but it's here: Celebrate Brooklyn returns to the Park on Wednesday! It's all been worth it, all the busted heaters of the shitty NYC apartments, all the Mooga false starts -- the season during which Park Slope is at its best is back. Welcome to Whassup: Park It Edition:

* Friday, May 31: Unsacred Hearts, Union Hall: Here's a pure and unadulterated bar band for you. On their more recent work, frontman Joe Willie's calm, deep voice calls The National to mind, but the at-times bluesy, at-times punkish Unsacred Hearts bring a bit more energy to the stage than Matt Berninger and his pretty mopes. The older Unsacred Hearts stuff sounds kinda like The Hold Steady at a country bar. That's good, because it's better to get rowdy than weepy when you're smashed on Sixpoint in the Union Hall basement. 8:30pm, $10.

* Friday, May 31: Jug Addicts, Barbes: Here's why you live in Brooklyn. There's just fucking JUG BANDS playing in adorable little bars and shit. And this is why you go to Barbes: they find these bands for you. Come stomp your goddamn boots like you never left Kentucky. 10pm, FREE (band donations encouraged, ya' cheapskates).

* Saturday, June 1: Prohibition Jazz, Skylark: Milk Man & Sons (no relation to Mumford and his offspring) reach into the wayback, even waybackier than Skylark's '70's basement decor, for some Speakeasy-style Prohibition jazz and traditional blues. It's the music your grandparents freaked to. Only thing that's going to get that image out of your head is a whiskey-soda at Skylark in the middle of the day. 1:30pm-3:30pm, FREE.

* Saturday, June 1-Sunday, June 2: FREE Pet Adoption, City-wide: Aaaauggghhh! Cute kittens! Adorable puppies! SO MUCH FUR AND CUDDLES!! So, yeah, this weekend the Mayor's Alliance for NYC's Animals joins the nation Maddie's Pet Adoption Days to offer free cat and dog adoptions across the city. There are two main locations in Manhattan, but several others throughout the boroughs including K9Kastle at 7th and Union and NYCPets at 5th and President. Now, get out there and find a balm for the crushing isolation of modern, urban life.

* Saturday, June 1-Sunday, June 16: Public Pianos, BK-Wide: I'm too lazy to really flesh this one out, but some kind of pun about "keys to the city" should go here. Anyway, Sing for Hope returns it's public-art pianos to the City streets this month. In the project, pianos designed by various artists will be available for your plinking pleasure across the various NY 'hoods, including several Brooklyn sites -- f'rinstance, check the Prospect Park Carousel and Grand Army Plaza. After their outdoor residency, the pretty keyboards head to underserved schools and community organizations. It's a feel-good thing all around. Now, brush up on those "Imagine" chords and watch the free love come pouring in.

* Sunday, June 2: Vegan Cook-Off, Bell House: Clear all the Googa Mooga pork fat out of your arteries with a food show a bit more appropriate to today's Brooklyn: so much non-animal-derived goodness. It's a vegan hors d-oeuvres competition! Gorge on small plates of vegetable life with not even a dollop of honey to taint your moral purity. Veggie judges and you, the sated audience, will choose the winners. The, you will go home and have easy bowel movements. 2pm, $12.

* Tuesday, June 4: Geeking Out, Union Hall: Park Slope's A-number-1 show for unbridled, geeky enthusiasm returns. This time out, there will be excellent comedy from the likeably neurotic Brooke Van Poppelen, among other guests. As always, co-hosted by FiPS OG Kerri Doherty. 8pm, $5.

* Wednesday, June 5: Punderdome 3000, Littlefield: Recipe for lifelong happiness: find someone who laughs at your dumb puns and put a ring on it. Now, I don't want to over-promise and say you will meet your life partner at this frenetic amateur pun competition -- but I can't guarantee it WON'T happen, either. This edition welcomes celebrity judge Starlee Kine from This American Life. 8pm, $6-$7.

* Wednesday, June 5: Celebrate BK! Opening, The Bandshell: It's HEEEERRRRE! BRIC officially kicks off the 2013 Bandshell concert series with Americana singer-songwriter Patty Griffin. Will there also be overpriced food and alcohol and adorable old-person dancing? You bet there will! 8:15pm, FREE ($3 suggested donation).

* Wednesday, June 5: Arrested BINGO, Videology: I'll be honest -- I haven't watched any of the new "Arrested Development" episodes yet, but I've already seen griping that it disappoints. Expected. But I'm still excited to eventually see them, and I'm sure many of you are still way into it. For the un-disillusioned, check out this regular (every Wednesday through July 24) "Arrested Development" watching party and BINGO contest. Here's where your close attention to Mitch Hurwitz' Easter eggs pays off. And if you go in never-nude jorts, you get a free drink and frozen banana! 8:30pm-10pm, FREE.