Whassup: Ir-resolution Edition:

via josefbrandenurg.com

Hey, Slopers (however you define yourselves), I trust that, by now, we've all dispensed with the foolishness that we would be going to the gym regularly this year. And that is great news, because that should really clear up your schedule -- just in time for all the great non-exercising things going on this week! Welcome to Whassup: Ir-resolution Edition:

* Thursday, Jan. 16-Friday, Jan. 17: Alexandra Beller/Dances, GAP: Gowanus Art + Productions (GAP) is celebrating its one-year anniversary as an arts venue with a performance from the Alexandra Beller/Dances group. They will premier their "Give up, or a bird lying on its back," a piece that, like the group's other works, incorporates dialogue and theater into the dance. So, it's a good show if just-dance performances leave you a bit mystified. Hors d'euvres on Thursday and a post-show talk on Friday. 7pm, $15-$20.

* Friday, Jan. 17: Shitty Pixies, Rock Shop: The Pixies wrote such perfect little gems of indie-pop that even a shitty version of them has to be pretty great. It's kind of like what they say about pizza and sex: make sure you have it on Friday night. 8pm, $8-$10.

* Friday, Jan 17: Mamie Minch, Jalopy (Red Hook): Mamie Minch is amazing -- she's got a strong, sultry voice that is so laden with attitude it will literally impregnate you from the stage. Nine months later, you will give birth to a beautiful child composed of pure Americana. And no setting suits her better than Jalopy's olde tyme proscenium stage. 9pm, $10.

* Saturday, Jan. 18: Whiskey Coke Art Show, Freddy's: The poetry zinesters of Having a Whiskey Coke with You are hosting a group art show that will feature images and text from the group's two-plus years of zines. There will also be performances from allied bands, and so, so much drinking. 7pm, FREE. 

* Sunday, Jan. 19: What Are You Afraid Of?, Union Hall: So, what are YOU afraid of? Is it not having something to do Sunday night? Then I can help! (If it's anything else, you're on your own.) In this storytelling show, writer (and former "Matilda" actress, if that's important to you) Mara Wilson coaxes the scary things out of Onion writer Morgan Evans, storyteller Susan Kent and comedian Anna Drezen. It'll scare you so good. 8pm, $7-$10. 

* Monday, Jan. 20 (MLK Day): Run 2B Healthy, Crown Heights/Park Slope: Ok, I may have spoken too soon when I promised no exercise. And this is even for a good cause -- healthy diet programs for kids. So, I apologize for all the positivity in this post, but we all need something to clear out the stank of hedonism every once in a while. Anyway, this MLK Day of Service event will raise money for Seeds in the Middle's healthy eating and farmers market programs. The family run/walk starts in Crown Heights and ends in the Slope at Da Nonna Rosa (see route here). A dance, soccer game and other frighteningly workout-like activities will take place at PS 221 before the race. 9:30am-2pm, $20 Pledge.

* Monday, Jan. 20: Whitney Houston Jukebox Musical, Cameo Gallery (Williamsburg): I'll just go ahead and give you the subtitle: "A Hastily Written Masterpiece Starring the Audience." That pretty much explains the what -- though not the how, as in, how did Punderdome 3000 co-host Jo Firestone come up with such a delightfully weird and random event idea? No clue, but I can tell you that this show "features the best of Ms. Houston's hits, strung together with a  plot that probably involves gremlins." And it will star members of the audience -- potentially you, if you're feeling the diva. 8pm, $10 (tickets here). 

* Wednesday, Jan. 22: Wonderful Town Variety Show, Bell House: NPR's Scott Simon returns to the Bell House for another variety show, emphasis on the variety. Guests range from comedians Aasif Mandvi (the Daily Show's senior Indian correspondent) and Eugene Mirman (in case you've missed his other 50 shows this week) to a set of "extreme yodeling brothers" to a couple of "Mars mission specialists." It might be worth going just to see how one mixes all of that up together. Maybe they just all fight? (My money's on the yodelers.) This show appears to be the sequel to last year's "experimental" Wonderful Town taping at the Bell House. 7:29pm, $10.  

* ONGOING:  

* New Classes, Brooklyn Brainery: The brain-havers over at BK Brainery announced a new slate of classes this week. Peruse the "Food Biography" of NYC, learn how to craft an amazing story, deepen your knowledge of serial killers (so you can creep out OKCupid dates to the fullest extent), or master the hot mess that is Obamacare in NY (and/or find out if that's even possible). Plus more classes on interesting and potentially useful topics! Various times and prices.