WHASSUP: BOOZE AWAY THE HEAT EDITION

In the throws of summer, sometimes the only escape is drowning your sorrows. Smelly strangers, scalding subway stations, unrivaled humidity. What better way to circumvent the realities of your everyday than taking a trip to the old packy—if you know what I mean.

Each event this week can be wonderfully accompanied by the booze of your choice—a couple even feature the stuff. I’m not advocating over-drinking and showing up stupid outside someone’s window holding a boom box. I’m suggesting you take the edge off. It’ll get you through the tepid coughs of relief from window units and probably improve a lot of these events.

Whassup? This is WHASSUP:

Thursday, 7/17, Walking With Dinosaurs, Barclays Center: This has to pull the heartstrings of kids and inner kids alike. These fuckers are life-size, animatronic, lizards that have come to our rusty arena to amaze and scare the fossilized shit right out of you.  $45-$114, 7pm

Friday, 7/18, Doggy Fashion Show, Freddy’s: This. Is. Happening. On Friday a section of 5^th Ave. in South Slope will be closed to crazies and the furry friends they love to dress up. Be sure to click on the link. The poster says it all. FREE ENTRY, 6:30pm

Saturday, 7/19, The Nance, BAM: This is not a live performance. This is a screening of a pre-recorded live performance. At twenty-five bucks and a bit bootleg, I realize that this one may be a stretch. It stars Nathan Lane. Nothing? Ah, fuck it.  $25, 12pm

Sunday, 7/20, The Fourth Annual Nights of Brüklyn Home Brew Competition, The Bell House: Yes, please. Give me all the beer. Oh pilsners, and porters, and ambers, and stouts—ales, and pales, and malts with some clout. I’m way to in to this. $15-$20, 12pm doors, 1pm show

Sunday, 7/20, What Are You Afraid Of?, Union Hall: Afraid? I ain’t afraid of anything—except maybe roller coasters, flesh eating bacteria, and failure—and now I’m depressed. After you get good and lit at the beer tasting, walk your insecurities on over to Union Hall and learn to laugh again. $7 advance, $10 day of show, 7:30pm doors, 8pm show

Monday, 7/21, The Shift, Union Hall: The entire show happens behind that bar and is hosted by long time bartender, Therese Plaehn (pronounced phlegm—jk). Terese and guests will entertain with music, stories, and trivia as they sling your drinky-poos. Now that’s full service. $5, 7:30pm doors, 8pm show

Tuesday, 7/22, Luvva Luvva Island, The Old Stone House: If you haven’t already, check out a Piper Theater Production outside the Old Stone house. I doubt George Washington could have ever imagined that you, your shitty kids, and your sandwiches would be watching plays in the yard of his stronghold. $10, 8pm

Wednesday, 7/23, Neutral Milk Hotel Benefit Concert, Prospect Park Bandshell: It’s important to pay once in a while and what better cause than supporting all the free concerts in the park? Even better is that Jeff Mangum will be making an all-too-rare appearance. I suggest scoring a grinder from Vito’s and some contraband wine in a Sig bottle.  $46.35 General Admission, 7pm