Water-Tight Legal Action Means Brooklyn Nets Need To Change Their Name

Image via http://brooklyn-nets.tv/There is an epic legal dispute brewing between the Brooklyn Nets NBA Basketball team and Ambassador Dr. François De Cassagnol, who purports to own the trademark of the Brooklyn Nets.  Lest you think this is a frivolous lawsuit, allow me to direct you to the spectacularly craptastic website that Ambassador Dr. François De Cassagnol has created to make his case to the world.

Ambassador Dr. François De Cassagnol, as you are no doubt already aware, is one of the most important and significant individuals extant on planet earth.  He is the founder and chairman of the board of the Dr. De Cassagnol Publishing House, Studios and Museum Group.  He is also the proprietor of The Global Diaspora SuperPAC Fund, CyberVillage Corporation and The Virtual Churches International.  His résumé includes his credentials as an Ambassador (former Governor of Louisiana appointed him "Ambassador of Goodwill" for the state of Louisiana), as well as photos of Ambassador Dr. François De Cassagnol with such dignitaries as Madeline Albright, Al Gore, Nancy Pelosi, and Newt Gingrich.  Also on that page, certificates of his inclusion in "Who's Who in the South and Southwest (22nd Edition, 1991-92), and "The International Who's Who of Intellectuals", as well as a image of a "Dear Obama Supporter" bulk-mail from President and Mrs. Obama, thanking him for his support of their campaign.  He is not only an Ambassador and doctor. He is also a behavioral scientist, a designer, an entrepreneur, a "Licensed NYC Ordained Multi-Faith Minister for Life," and, well, just an all-around spectacular individual.  He has two (2) gmail addresses and no fewer than three (3) aol addresses.

Oh, and he also owns The Brooklyn Nets Entertainment Network, which is "a Dr. Cassagnol Designer's Global $1 Billion Global iConic Signature Brand."  And that's where the dispute with our friendly neighborhood NBA team lies.

The first page of his website (but you have to scroll down past all of the links to the other pages of his website) lay out his claim, in clear, unambiguous terms.  We quote:

"Please note that NO other party has been authorized to use the above Brooklyn Nets’ Brands, Brooklyn Nets Marks or Brooklyn Nets Labels. Thereby any un-authorized use by the Brooklyn Nets Pirates in Brooklyn and the Brooklyn Nets Pirates in New York City, constitutes FLAGRANT & SHOCKING THEFT of Amb. Dr. Minister de Cassagnol’s Intellectual Properties and multiple Cease & Desist Notices have been issued to these Brooklyn Nets shameless Pirates in Brooklyn and those Bald-Faced Brooklyn Nets Pirates at the Olympic Tower in New York City for their flagrant thievery and their brazen unabashed piracy of Minister Dr. de Cassagnol’s properties but to no avail."

His site includes lots of documentation in support of his claim, including, $1 BILLION NOTICE OF CLAIM VS ALL PARTIES ABUSING & PIRATING THE BROOKLYN NETS' BRANDS (WP11), FACTUAL DOCUMENT 1 THAT THE PIRATES HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR BROOKLYN NETS' BRANDS BEFORE 2011 (WP12), FACTUAL DOCUMENT 2 THAT THE PIRATES HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR BROOKLYN NETS' BRANDS BEFORE 2011 (WP13), and because the third time is inevitably the charm not that you weren't charmed by the first two, FACTUAL DOCUMENT 3 THAT THE PIRATES HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR BROOKLYN NETS' BRANDS BEFORE 2011 (WP14)

But this is not just a legal matter.  Oh, no.  It is a sin against God, as well.  That's why the Ambassador Dr. François De Cassagnol has used his office to contact Pope Francis, requesting him to ask God to send a strong message to Jay-Z, who I'm presuming is the lead "pirate" referred to in this lawsuit.

Admittedly, there's a lot of material here to pour over. But, if you share my outrage (and I know I certainly do) about what's happening to Ambassador Dr. François De Cassagnol and his iConic Global Signature Brand, but you're having trouble reading all of the words that are on his website--lodged between photos of Dan Quayle, Hillary Clinton and Kimora Lee Simmons, you can just go to CD Baby and download his album. (Don't say I didn't save the best for last, dear readers.)  Tracks 8 and 13, judging from the samples I heard, make his case quite clearly. 

But whatever you do, don't pirate these tracks--just pay for the damned downloads. You don't want to wind up as a page of his website, do you?