Turf Wars: Breeders vs. Ballers in Washington Park

From Brooklynian:

The battle of the century is taking place right now folks. The stroller brigade thinks that the new turf put in at the improved Washington (?) Park on 3rd st and 5th Ave. should be theirs. Never mind that they already have the playground and the open grassy area; they want it all. Meetings have taken place, and if you want your voice to be heard, you better get on it. The Parks Dept wants to please the "community." This means the loudest most organized amongst us gets heard. Speak up for the right to play softball on your team; your kids soccer games; wait, I don't want to have to appease the stroller brigade here....

ADULTS AND TEENS ALSO NEED A PLACE TO PLAY!

(And yes yes y'all, I have kids)

So, says The Chipster.

Goddammit. This seems like a PERFECTLY good park to smoke weed in, and quite frankly, I don't think all these BREEDERS' teenage kids are gonna appreciate them steppin in and insisting on a 24/7 fucking mommy-n-me douche-a-thon. I hereby move that JJ Byrne Washington Park be turned into a Park Slope branch of that Hedonism resort.

Here's some of the shit that they have there, and I don't think it would be *that* difficult to get most of this crap installed in Washington park without too much effort:

You'll find swim-up rooms. A Roman tub in every room. A see-through slide that snakes through our disco. At Hedonism III, you'll find that famous uninhibited spirit where just about anything goes. Receive the sensuous joy of soaking up sun as the tan lines disappear, the silky feel of skin fresh from a dip in the sea, the pool or the Jacuzzi, with the day’s most serious decision being which of the restaurants to choose for dinner, after comparison shopping all the bars.

Thoughts?