Trial By Ordeal: Live Blogging Jury Duty in Brooklyn

Well, I'm here at the Kings County Supreme Court watching arguably the most hilariously bad instructional video of all times. 

I almost brought my pillow and blankie, but so far my jury duty has been just scintillating enough to keep me awake. 

Narrated by dead Ed Bradley and undead Diane Sawyer, this epic tale starts in the dark ages, where the accused (played by Matt Damon and Cate Blanchett, respectively. OR NOT.) are subjected to medieval tortures like dunking hands in boiling water and something that looks awfully like WATERBOARDING. Oy, the production values! The reenactments! Although it's so bad, it's kind of good.

They call this old style justice "Trial by Ordeal," which seems somehow fitting. If this stint is anything like last time, I'm going to be sitting here on the new cushy loungers waiting for my name to be called for the next three days. 

I'm torn between doing my civic duty and trying to get out of it. Head judge dude Jonathan Lippman is now thanking me and telling me I'm here because I'm going to be furthering democracy and participatory government. I have an awesome responsibility: I'm here to preserve the values I hold dear.

And god knows, they could use a little infusion of good judgment around the Brooklyn court system.  As somebody who doesn't want me to say her name (Erica) said of her stint,

I was surprised those lawyers had graduated high school let alone passed the bar. I was more qualified from my years of watching "The Practice" to try the case than the actual attorneys. 

Fact: My cousin Michael won an Emmy as Jimmy Berluti.

10:02am: Please God don't let me get bedbugs 'cause I heard they had to evacuate the Brooklyn DA's office over the summer.

10:17am: Yes, yes, yes! I feel the power of good. Up with people. And justice for all and all that crap.

11:27am: Oh shit, they've got a team of paramedics aiding a sick juror as I write!!! 

12:15pm: LUNCH!

2:01pm: Now some judge has arrived and is giving the wrong speech. He thinks he's talking to grand jurors. He's expressing his gratitude now. A well oiled machine, this Kings County courthouse.

2:11pm: More announcements! In case you weren't aware, it's juror appreciation week over here at the Kings County Courthouse. I'm now the proud owner of an embossed certificate of appreciation and a commemorative pen.

2:13pm: Phuck, this is BORING. I have a feeling my name will never even be called. And my butt hurts from sitting so long.

FINAL UPDATE: 3pm. ROR. Yes, I've been released from this non trial by ordeal and don't have to come back for 8 years. Never even made it out of the waiting room.

Okay, spill... Tell us about your stints, avoidance tactics, best moments, worst moments, and so on.